Have you ever had that nagging gut feeling when your partner appears stuck to their phone, particularly when Snapchat messages continue to illuminate the screen?
In the world we live in now, with so much of our communication taking place over the internet, the distinction between secrecy and privacy can become very gray. Snapchat, with its ephemeral messages and relaxed atmosphere, has become a hub for online infidelity to occur. So, how do you know if something is going on behind your back?
These are some of the biggest red flags to look out for—particularly on Snapchat—and what you can do if any of them ring a bit too familiar.
1. They’re Super Secretive With Their Phone
Has your partner all of a sudden begun behaving as if their phone is classified information? Perhaps they’ve reset their password, begun folding the screen when you enter, or become one to take calls in secret. As licensed counselor Christiana Njoku explains, secrecy can begin to drive distance, and when even requesting to view your partner’s phone seems off-limits, that is something to consider.
2. Their Snapchat Score Is Soaring for No Apparent Reason
Snapchat tracks the number of snaps a person sends and receives through its score feature. When you see that number spike up rapidly and they’ve not said anything about snapping anyone specifically, it could be an indication that they are engaging in more conversations than they are acknowledging. It’s sneaky—but it can be an actual hint.
3. They’re Glued to Snapchat, Even When You’re Together
If Snapchat appears to command more of their time than you do—particularly when you spend time together—it may be a warning sign. Excessive checking, spontaneous chuckles at personal messages, or spacing out in the middle of a conversation are indicators that something may not be right.
4. They Avoid Questions About Snapchat Use
Do they refuse to tell you whom they’re taking pictures with or get mysteriously evasive when you inquire about their stories? While everyone is entitled to some alone time, complete avoidance may indicate that they’re keeping a secret.
5. They’re Acting Different All of a Sudden
Perhaps they’re sleeping in late on their phone, becoming defensive when you mention Snapchat, or altering their schedule without explanation. These kinds of spur-of-the-moment changes tend to appear when a person is attempting to conceal an aspect of their life.
6. Notifications Are Constant—and Quickly Hidden
If their phone is constantly buzzing with Snapchat notifications and they’re always ready to conceal the screen or muffle the phone, it’s not surprising if you are suspicious. Although this by itself doesn’t mean anything, together with other tendencies, it might be an indication that something’s amiss.
7. They’re “Busy”—But Somehow Always Active
Ever been told they’re too busy to respond to your texts, but their Snapchat score keeps going up? That kind of mismatch between what they say and what they’re doing can feel pretty unsettling.
8. They Avoid Adding Mutual Friends
It’s easy to be reserved, but if your partner actively tries to steer clear of inviting people you two know—or only interacts with some individuals—it could be that they don’t want their activity on Snapchat to be questioned or even recognized.
9. They Become Defensive When You Ask Basic Questions
If questioning something casual, such as “Who were you snapping with?” evokes an angry or defensive response, that usually is indicative of guilt or trying to shut down the discussion. Open communication should never be perceived as crossing a line.
10. It’s Not Just Snapchat—It’s a Pattern
Online cheating rarely remains limited to a single app. If your partner is secretive on more than one platform—Instagram, WhatsApp, texts—it might be time to take a step back and examine the larger pattern. Trends speak louder than isolated incidents.
What do you do, then, if some (or all) of these indicators seem uncomfortably familiar?
Here’s the key: don’t go into detective mode immediately. Communicate. Research in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy indicates that couples who engage in open conversation about technology boundaries are much less likely to have to contend with online infidelity.
Begin with a peaceful talk. Inform them of how you feel without blaming. Discuss what is acceptable—and what is not—when it comes to online privacy and openness. If trust has already been breached, couples therapy can assist both of you in confronting it and establishing a better basis. And keep in mind—there is a distinction between secrecy and privacy.
As mental health professionals, Dr. R. K. Suri and Sulochna Arora suggest, respecting one another’s digital space ends up creating trust. However, if secrecy breeds suspicion, it can destroy the relationship. The healthiest of couples achieve a balance between openness and independence.
Online cheating is a definite issue in the times we’re living—but it needn’t dictate your relationship. Honesty, open boundaries, and respect for each other can allow you to remain close and connected, online and offline.