Let’s be real, dating is a combination of nerves, excitement, and a little bit of chaos. Whether you’re app-dating, friends-of-friends dating, or said yes to a blind date on a whim, the initial meeting is a big deal. It’s that time when you begin thinking, “Could this work out? “But instead of assuming every look or every word has some profound meaning, pay attention to the things that truly do matter. Below is a countdown of 10 significant things to observe on a first date—things that can provide you with a better idea of who you’re sitting across from.
10. Are They Present and Truly Interested?
You can typically sense when someone’s listening and cares versus when they’re just going through the motions. Are they maintaining eye contact? Are they inquiring about you and interested in hearing about your life? Or are you extracting answers like extractions from them while they continue to check their phone? When there’s a date that is in it and you’re both in the midst of a conversation, that’s a good sign. If you’re doing all the heavy lifting with every conversation, however, it may be worth questioning why.
9. How is the Flow of Conversation, and who does the Work?
A good first date usually doesn’t feel like work. If you’re both asking questions, making each other laugh, and listening without distractions, you’re off to a strong start. But if it feels one-sided—like you’re always the one trying to keep things going or suggesting plans—that can signal mismatched effort levels. Pay attention to whether they’re showing up emotionally, not just physically.
8. What’s Their Take on Past Relationships?
It may be a bit uncomfortable, but how one speaks of their exes reveals a great deal. If they remain bitter, accusatory, or too involved in previous drama, it’s something to consider. Alternatively, if one can discuss the past with maturity—and even see what they gained from it—their emotional perspective is likely healthier.
7. Are Your Core Values and Goals Aligned?
You don’t have to dive into wedding plans on date one, but it’s smart to talk about what matters to you. Think about values like family, career goals, faith, or lifestyle choices. If something’s deeply important to you, don’t be afraid to bring it up. You’re not being “too much”—you’re being real. It’s better to find out early if your big-picture goals match.
6. How Do They Treat Those Around Them?
Observe how your date treats other people, particularly those in service industries. Are they courteous? Do they use “thank you” and address others with respect? It may be a minor detail, but it could be an enormous indicator of what they’re like when nobody’s looking. Kindness can’t only be for you; it has to be second nature.
5. Do They Exhibit Emotional Maturity?
Perfection is not the aim, but self-knowledge and a growth mindset are. If they’re able to speak candidly about things they’re improving on or habits they’ve learned from previous relationships, that’s emotional maturity. It indicates that they’re not seeking someone—they’re also actively seeking to be someone worth dating.
4. What Do They Like to Do for Leisure—and Is It Compatible With You?
It’s simple to ignore, but where a person spends their leisure time tells you a great deal about them. Are they a night owl, and you an early bird? Are they party animals all the time, while you like having quiet weekends? Opposites attract, yes—but it isn’t bad to consider if your day-to-day lifestyles complement each other in the long term.
3. Who’s in Their Social Circle—and Do They Even Have One?
The kind of people who surround us tell a lot about us. If your date speaks about good friends, close relations, or deep connections, then it is a sign that they understand how to have healthy relationships. But if they speak about having no one around them to depend on, or their tales are filled with drama and scorched earth, then it might be a sign of what’s to come.
2. Are You Asking the Right Questions—or Merely Playing Nice?
It’s easy to be light and casual on a first date, but sometimes that means skirting tough topics. If there are things you know you care about—such as beliefs, values, or long-term plans—don’t beat around the bush. It’s fine to ask the tough questions. You’re not attempting to frighten them away; you’re attempting to get someone who can fit into your actual life, not just your highlight reel.
1. Are There Any Red Flags or Unresolved Baggage?
The most crucial thing? Listen to your intuition. If the date appears to be inconsistent, evasive about the past, or sends out mixed signals, don’t just dismiss it. At times, it’s not what they say—it’s what they don’t say. If something does not feel right, it likely isn’t. Look after your heart and don’t hesitate to walk away from something that doesn’t feel solid. Dating is not a race, it’s a trail of small finds. Not every first date has to become something serious, but at least it should make you feel respected, heard, and certain about what you’re doing next. Have high expectations and trust your gut. You’ve got this.