Let’s face it: flirting can be like reading a book in a language you half know. Sometimes it’s clear as day, sometimes it’s so subtle you’re not sure if you made it all up. Whether you’re wondering if someone is flirting with you or just want to brush up on your skills, here’s the scoop: Flirting is all about a lighthearted connection, not pressure, performance, or corny pickup lines.
So, how do you know whether it’s genuine interest or merely courteous conversation? And how do you flirt without being a complete creep? Here are 10 important signs—and tips—to guide you through the dance of attraction.
1. A Little Push-Pull Keeps It Interesting
Good flirting is not all compliments and smiles—there’s some friendly challenge involved. That subtle teasing, the playful “You wish” mindset, or forgetting somebody’s name (with a smile, naturally) gives it flavor. It’s building tension, not uncertainty. Matthew Hussey refers to it as “interest plus challenge.” It’s that push-pull sensation that makes conversations interesting, not monologues.
2. Body Language Doesn’t Lie
Long before words ever get involved, the body typically gives everything away. If a person intuitively mirrors your posture, movements, or even speech rate, that’s usually their subconscious flashing a sign, saying, “Hey, I like you.” Look for lean-ins, mirroring movements, or them fidgeting in an adorable, nervous kind of manner. These body language messages often speak louder than a flirty text ever could.
3. They Make Time for You—On Purpose
When a person goes out of their way to speak with you, lingers after an event to converse with you, or just shows up in your DMs “just because,” chances are they like you. Interested parties show up—both physically and emotionally. And no, it isn’t a coincidence when they’re always nearby when you are.
4. Compliments That Feel Personal, Not Generic
Of course, everyone appreciates being told they look nice. But when a person compliments something specific—your laugh, your take on an issue, or that weirdly awesome piece of trivia you dropped a week ago—then they’re paying a lot more attention than most. Genuine compliments aren’t flattery; they’re an observation of who you are, not what you look like.
5. Jokes, Teasing, and Keeping It Light
Humor is one of the fastest ways humans connect. Whether it’s inside jokes, playful joking around, or laughing at your most embarrassing stories, laughter builds closeness. If someone keeps the atmosphere light and playful—and laughs at your jokes (even the terrible ones)—they’re likely interested in you.
6. The Eyes (and Smile) Say Everything
There’s no escaping this one: when someone keeps your eye for just a fraction of a second longer than normal, it’s not an accident. Prolonged eye contact combined with a warm, genuine smile? Flirting 101. Dating coach Matthew Hussey says most people overestimate the amount of eye contact it takes to indicate interest, so don’t be shy to gaze, and let the smile speak for itself.
7. Subtle Touches That Break the Barrier
Touch, when done right, can speak volumes. A quick touch on the arm during a laugh, brushing something off your shoulder, or leaning in during a conversation—these little moments build connection. The golden rule: it has to feel safe and respectful. If they lean in too? That’s a green light. If not, ease up and respect their space.
8. Curious Questions That Go a Little Deeper
When someone starts asking questions that go beyond surface-level—your opinions, past, or future dreams—it’s a sign they’re invested in knowing the real you. It means you’re not just another chat—they care.
9. A Little Awkwardness Can Be Super Telling
Flirting isn’t always silky-smooth. And actually, it tends to be the opposite. Nervous giggling, a little bit of klutzy complimenting, or a tiny bit of explaining too much? Yeps, those are pretty good indicators they’re going for it. And let’s face it—awkward’s kind of cute. That nervous energy can be a huge green flag.
10. Respect Is the Foundation of Everything
Most of all, true flirting is about mutual respect and ease. If the energy is both ways, the talk is going, and both individuals are smiling and feeling easy—that’s where the enchantment is. But if someone isn’t in their zone or seems aloof, it’s always best to check the vibe and retreat with grace. The greatest flirting comes naturally, but not necessarily.
Flirting is not about big displays or having the quintessential pickup line—it’s about igniting a spark through presence, intention, and playfulness. The best flirting tip? Be yourself. Allow the other person to feel seen, appreciated, and safe. When you start with warmth, listen deeply, and remain grounded, flirting is less of a performance and more of a connection waiting to happen.