We’ve all been there—getting a pang of jealousy when a close friend has a new romantic partner, or finding ourselves wondering if the butterflies we experience around a best friend are indicative of something more. The line between friendship and love can be blurry, and it turns out that this ambiguity may be more common—and more significant—than we would expect.
There are various types of closeness in relationships, and psychologists tend to describe two primary forms: friendship-based and passion-based intimacy. The former is based on mutual trust, warmth, and emotion—it’s the slow and steady type of love that tends to last. The latter is the hot spark, fueled by attraction and excitement. As psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg’s “triangular theory of love” posits, the most fulfilling, long-term relationships combine intimacy, passion, and commitment. So when love starts as friendship, it may already have two of the three ingredients for the long term.
This isn’t hypothetical—research supports it. A study in Social Psychology and Personality Science tracked almost 1,900 individuals for 18 years and discovered that most romantic relationships started out as friendships. For younger adults and LGBTQ+ couples, that percentage increased even higher, to approximately 85%. And here’s the thing: most of these friendships didn’t begin with any kind of romantic feeling. It took a year or two in many cases before the relationship progressed slowly into something romantic.
This type of “slow burn” is a good thing. Beginning as friends allows individuals the opportunity to get to know one another in a relaxed setting. You observe one another’s values, habits, quirks, and imperfections free from the rosy glasses provided by early romance infatuation. Because of this, couples that begin in this manner tend to be more aware of compatibility before entering into a committed relationship.
Conversely, relationships that start with immediate chemistry—so-called “love at first sight”—can be intense in the beginning, but studies indicate they’re usually based on more tenuous ground. Variations in emotional maturity, independence, or long-term aspirations might manifest once the newness wears off.
Physical attraction also changes in these love-from-friendship tales. A 2015 study discovered that the longer two individuals were friends prior to dating, the less physical looks came into play when it came to their romantic relationship. Common experiences, personality, and emotional compatibility tended to dominate looks in the long run. In other words, the better you know someone, the more you’ll be attracted to their personality rather than their looks.
That said, not every friendship is meant to turn romantic, and not every romantic relationship rooted in friendship is destined to thrive. While emotional safety and mutual understanding are crucial, lasting relationships also need passion, ambition, and a shared vision for the future. It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether the relationship is growing in all the right ways, not just the comfortable ones.
Nevertheless, for other couples, it takes a natural transition from friend to romance. They’ve established a foundation of trust, created memories, and navigated life’s ups and downs together, setting the stage for a closer connection. So if you’ve ever questioned whether the way you feel about a friend could be something more, it’s worth considering. You wouldn’t be the first—and you could be creating something that’s meant to endure.
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