We’ve long been told that a couple’s bed is the heart of their intimacy—sharing it every night, the ultimate sign of closeness. The idea is so ingrained that choosing otherwise can feel rebellious or even shameful. But as more couples speak openly about sleeping apart, it’s clear the truth isn’t so simple. Sometimes, a little space at night can bring unexpected benefits — and a few challenges. The following are 10 surprising facts about sleeping separately, based on research, experts, and individual accounts.
10. The Lingering Stigma
Although it’s more prevalent than you realize, the concept of “sleep divorce” still carries a cultural stigma. A lot of people think separate beds equate to romance being dead or the relationship is on the rocks. Interior designer Rodney Lawrence cites statistics that reveal one out of every five U.S. couples have separate bedrooms, but only don’t go out of their way to say anything about it so they don’t get judged. Some friends and family members still treat the concept as scandalous, even though it’s a personal decision.
9. Fewer Cuddles and Spontaneous Moments
There is one undisputed trade-off: forgoing those spontaneous snuggles at night, or the impromptu intimacy that is possible when you’re already lying side by side. Sex therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser points out that bed-sharing can predispose you to physical contact, and oxytocin released through hugging has well-documented benefits for lowering stress and promoting heart health. Being in different rooms can require being more deliberate about that.
8. Danger of Drifting Apart Emotionally
Separate beds can be a good option for some couples. For others, they are a subtle withdrawal. Therapist Katie Binner cautions that physical distance can escalate to emotional distance when used as a conflict avoidance tactic. Psychologist Mark Sharp suggests that if space is employed as a refuge instead of a solution, it might reflect underlying relationship problems.
7. Uncomfortable Discussions Up Front
Proposing sleeping in separate beds can be seen as risky, basically telling your partner they snore in the worst possible manner. According to sleep specialist Dr. Seema Khosla, most people don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings. According to counselor Anna Marie Boyd, though, it’s not a rejection issue—it’s about creating a situation where both individuals can sleep comfortably and feel good.
6. Better Sleep, Less Stress
Here’s the plus side: most couples say there is a significant improvement in sleep quality once couples have relocated to their bedrooms. In a SleepFoundation.org poll, over half of adults who did so slept better, with an additional 37 minutes of sleep per night. And rested partners also quarrel less—something Dr. Khosla suggests can make the relationship stronger overall.
5. A Solution for Conflicting Sleep Schedules
When one half’s winding down as the other is just getting started, having separate bedrooms can be a sanity-saver. Mismatched bedtimes, differing work shifts, and sleep disorders like apnea or restless leg syndrome are often reasons that couples move apart at night. 71% of respondents in a Naturepedic survey reported conflicting schedules as a main reason they didn’t think sharing a bed would work.
4. Complete Control of Your Bedtime Environment
Whether it’s the temperature in the room, mattress firmness, or blanket-hogging tendencies, individual rooms allow both partners to dictate their ideal sleep environments. In the same Naturepedic survey, more than half of those who polled against sharing a bed cited conflicts over temperature as a primary concern. Separate rooms allow you to sleep cool, warm, soft, or spread out—without compromise.
3. A Boost in Personal Identity
Having your bedroom isn’t merely a matter of physical comfort—it may be a question of personal identity. Katie Binner explains that for certain individuals, an independent bedroom is their sanctuary wherein they can personalize, unwind, and preserve a sense of self. Indeed, couples such as Rich and Carla Newhart learned that nighttime personal space created a sense of togetherness among them during the day.
2. Increased Energy for Connection Throughout the Day
It might sound counterintuitive, but some couples discover that sleeping apart makes their relationship stronger. Shelby Harris, a clinical psychologist, explains that taking away the irritation of poor sleep can unlock emotional energy for daytime bonding. Pat DeCaro, who slept apart from her husband for 15 years, explains that it strengthened their marriage because both were rested, and they could still opt to go back to each other’s rooms when they wanted to be intimate.
1. No “One-Size-Fits-All” Rule
The largest truth? Each couple is unique. Some sleep separately every night, others only on occasion, and some end up back in a shared bed. A survey discovered that 83% of the couples who sleep apart at the moment think that they will be sharing a bed one day again. As Dr. Phyllis Zee of Northwestern University says, the healthiest decision is the one that makes both partners rested, happy, and bonded—and doesn’t matter what others do.
Whether you’re a devoted bedtime cuddler or someone who values having your blanket territory, the “right” choice is the one that helps your relationship thrive. In the end, the best sleeping arrangement isn’t about tradition—it’s about what works for you.