If you’re walking through the divorce aftermath, chances are you’re experiencing a rollercoaster of feelings—relief, sadness, confusion, perhaps a pinch of excitement. The process can be daunting, but some methods work to not only survive but also succeed. Based on the knowledge and experience of Maria Kutrubis, below are the five things you must know, listed in reverse order to get you to what’s most important.
5. Practice patience and give time for adjustment
Divorce is a life-changing experience, and the adjustment can be disorienting. Maria Kutrubis explains how, after a 20-year marriage ended, she experienced a maelstrom of emotions from betrayal and loss through anger and relief. She points out that patience is necessary while you settle into new habits, particularly if you’re co-parenting and being away from your children for days at a time.
Give yourself permission to feel everything and remember that this upheaval is not the end—it’s a new beginning. Time is your ally in rebuilding your life and rediscovering stability.
4. Embrace singlehood and rediscover yourself
One of the most liberating aspects of divorce is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Kutrubis encourages newly single individuals to start new hobbies, explore interests, and pursue personal growth. This is your opportunity to love the new you—whatever that looks like, whether that’s traveling alone, taking up a hobby you had to put aside, or pursuing career goals.
She encourages embracing single life, not as being alone, but finding out who you are apart from the dynamics of a relationship. Give yourself time and savor the autonomy to create your way.
3. Focus on peaceful co-parenting
If you have kids, their welfare must be your top priority. Kutrubis suggests that kids have a hard time comprehending divorce and are sometimes in the middle of parental conflict. She recommends keeping communication open and collaborative with your former partner for a good co-parenting relationship.
Your aim is to raise well-adjusted adults who can take lessons from life’s difficulties. Keep in mind, it’s the kids who pay the price for turbulent times, so work on civility and their emotional well-being.
2. Find gratitude for the positive in your past
It’s simple to dwell on what didn’t work, but Kutrubis suggests you work on viewing the good that resulted from your marriage. Think about the growth you achieved, the kids you nurtured, and the memories you created. Gratitude for these gifts can help you transition from a place of loss to one of gratitude. This softening of the heart can help both of you to establish independent, satisfying lives and come to terms with the past.
1. Release bitterness and resentment
Most crucial is the release of any residual anger or resentment towards your former partner. Forgiveness, as suggested by Kutrubis, isn’t about excusing what happened in the past, but about releasing yourself from the emotional weight of injustice. By releasing, you walk away lighter in heart and with an openness to new beginnings. This release of emotions is the basis for genuine healing and transformation after divorce.
Divorce is hard to navigate, but these five strategies can enable you to turn the experience into a self-discovery journey, resilience, and true happiness.