No relationship is perfect, but some habits quietly drain the love and trust that sustain two individuals in a relationship. They start innocently enough, but left unchecked, they become something that undermines even the best relationship. Here are ten of the worst habits couples should know about—and alternatives to them.
10. Enmeshing and Lack of Boundaries
There is intimacy, and then there is getting lost in the relationship. Enmeshing happens when your identity gets locked up in somebody else, with no room to breathe or expand. You might find yourself feeling guilty for needing some space, questioning your choices, or taking on your partner’s emotions. Becoming independent isn’t about stepping away—it’s about being able to set healthy boundaries so both people can be on their own yet stay together.
9. Setting Unrealistic Expectations
It is only natural that you have expectations from your partner in terms of support, consideration, and effort. But problems arise when these kinds of expectations are absolute or one-way. It is assuming that your partner will react the same way that you do under all circumstances, typically causing frustration and disappointment. Relationships flourish when both partners give without keeping score and when flexibility dominates entitlement.
8. Holding On to Resentment
Resentment builds up quietly, most often for small things that are never talked about. Left alone, it becomes bitterness and creates walls of emotional space. Knowing what you are feeling and talking about it is the start of healing. Forgiving resentment is not forgetting—it is choosing to work it out so that room can be made for gratitude and closeness to develop once more.
7. Getting Caught Up in Controlling Behaviors
Trying to control your partner—by micromanaging, threatening, or trying to “fix” them—doesn’t work. It creates frustration for both partners and steals freedom. Respectful love is respect, not control. Focusing attention on your own choices, activities, and limits creates a space for your partner to do the same.
6. Disregarding Addictive Patterns
Addiction doesn’t always look like alcohol or drugs—it can be shopping, gaming, gambling, or riding the back and forth of social media all day. When those addictions become the priority, the relationship falls apart from secrets, withdrawal, and broken trust. Acknowledging the problem and being willing to work together or separately to get help can be the line between drifting further apart and building something stronger.
5. Mismanaging Money
Few problems strain a relationship more than a money disagreement. When one feels like a spendthrift and the other scrimps, battles are raging wars. Money is not merely about numbers—it’s about values and security. Talking candidly about what money means to each of you and compromising keeps financial tension from encroaching on every part of the relationship.
4. Withholding Affection and Intimacy
Romantic relationships thrive on intimacy, emotional and physical. If love fails—either due to neglect, stress, or physical distance—partners may feel unloved or unwanted. A tender touch, a hug, or intimate time reminds each of them that they matter. If intimacy is hard, deconstructing the reasons for it can rebuild closeness.
3. Giving Too Much Outside Influence
Family and friends may be wonderful support systems, but if they dominate the decisions too much, then the relationship itself begins to deteriorate. When always wanting their opinions to be heard by children, parents, or friends, the couple begins to feel resentment or does not trust each other. Healthy boundaries help maintain the relationship and permit the couple to make decisions for themselves.
2. Lack of Good Communication Habits
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so it’s said—and rightly so. Stonewalling, avoiding confrontation, or reacting with passive aggressiveness causes both of them to feel unheard. Communication operates on the values of listening compassionately, taking a break when emotions get heated, and returning to the conversation with a sense of receptivity.
1. Permitting Apathy to Seize
The quietest but deadliest threat to a relationship is apathy. Unlike anger, which at least shows engagement, apathy means you’ve stopped caring altogether. This often shows up as partners taking each other for granted, spending less time together, or avoiding meaningful conversations. Overcoming apathy requires recognizing the drift, being honest about the disconnection, and making the effort to reconnect. Care, effort, and presence are what keep love alive.