Few things can shake a relationship like infidelity. Whether you’ve been through it yourself or just wondered what makes someone cross that line, the question of why people cheat has been around as long as relationships themselves. The truth is, there isn’t one simple answer. But over years of research and countless therapy sessions, certain themes come up again and again. Here are eight of the most prevalent reasons why people cheat—anything from situational slip-ups to more profound emotional battles.
8. Circumstances and Opportunity
Occasionally, cheating occurs simply because the circumstance is available. A long-distance relationship, a night out where temptation is low-stakes, or merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time can push someone to the point of giving in. It isn’t always premeditated—sometimes it’s an impulse decision that carries massive outcomes.
7. Unsatisfied Sexual Desires
Physical closeness is a concern in most relationships. If one feels rejected, unsatisfied, or just needs more affection, they might look elsewhere. To some, adultery isn’t merely about sex—it’s about feeling attractive and desirable once more, an affirmation that they are still “with it.”
6. Neglect of Emotions
Feeling ignored, not valued, or not supported can be as painful as a lack of physical intimacy. When there is an unfulfilled emotional need, some turn elsewhere in the relationship to gain comfort, validation, or connection. This is usually a motivating force for women, but anyone can be attracted to someone who makes them feel fully seen and heard.
5. Desiring Novelty
Relationships can sometimes become routine. For the excitement-seeker, that routine may compel them to pursue the thrill of something new. It doesn’t always indicate that they’re not satisfied with their partner—it may be about pursuing that adrenaline rush or regaining a sense of youth and energy.
4. Weak Commitment
Not everyone comes into a relationship with the same amount of commitment. If someone isn’t committed, it’s easy for them to justify crossing boundaries. Low commitment does not always equal that they do not care—it may just mean that they aren’t ready to settle down or desire to keep things open.
3. Loss of Love
When the love wears off, some individuals seek it out elsewhere. The initial “honeymoon” glow sooner or later loses its magic, and rather than adapt to the change, some pursue those butterflies with a new partner. Feeling unloved or unvalued at home tends to drive this pursuit.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Cheating may occasionally be a byproduct of insecurity, not unhappiness with the relationship. A little attention from someone else can serve like an instant pick-me-up for teetering self-esteem. The issue is, the pick-me-up is only temporary, leaving the individual feeling even more hollow than previously.
1. Anger or Revenge
For others, cheating is a form of revenge. Perhaps they were cheated on first, or perhaps anger has been simmering for a long time. Rather than dealing with the anger, they act on it—hurtling forward in hopes of hurting their partner just as badly as they’ve been hurt.
Of course, these reasons rarely exist on their own. Past trauma, attachment styles, mental health struggles, and even addictive behaviors can make someone more vulnerable to infidelity. Often, cheating has less to do with the partner and more to do with what the unfaithful person is trying to find in themselves—freedom, validation, or even a sense of identity.
The aftermath of betrayal is messy. Anger, grief, shock, and denial are typical, and it takes time to rebuild trust—whether that occurs or not, couples view it as an opportunity to get to the bottom of things and work through more issues, while others know it’s time to take a walk. There’s no one correct direction.
One thing is certain: men and women do cheat, and though the motivation might be sexual for some and emotional for others, the pain is as real. Openness to communication, honesty, and professional guidance can assist couples in determining whether to repair or move on. Cheating is messy and intimate. But knowing the biggest reasons why people do it can bring light, if only to heal, repair, or just understand why it occurs.