Let’s get real: every generation thinks they’ve cracked the code of parenting, but the truth is that one generation’s recipe isn’t necessarily the next generation’s. If you grew up under the reign of Baby Boomer parents, you probably remember that some rules and expectations seemed to be carved in stone. But times do change, and our ideas about what kids need to thrive change with them.
As a result of emerging knowledge regarding psychology and a growing sense of value on individuality, newer generations are repudiating some of the classic Boomer parenting strategies. Here are seven Boomer styles of parenting that are quickly falling out of favor—and why today’s parents are doing a shift.
7. Crushing individuality
Boomer parents spent more time emphasizing the value of going along rather than sticking out. The desire was to fit in, not to shake things up. But modern psychology, and even Carl Rogers, places a lot of emphasis on self-acceptance and self-development. Parents these days are much more likely to encourage their kids to learn about themselves, love their weirdness, and be themselves. The message has moved from “fit in” to “be yourself,” and that’s something many kids are grateful for.
6. Lack of play
For many Boomers, playtime came in last, if at all, but as a luxury, not a priority. There were the scheduled sports and the schoolbooks, with the assumption that more study and more study will get better results. Yet research by psychologists like Dr. Peter Gray indicates that play is essential for cognitive, physical, and emotional development. Today, parents are making sure that kids have plenty of time for free play, understanding that it’s not just fun—it’s key to healthy development.
5. Too much competition
If you were constantly compared with others or had to be the best, you are not alone. Boomer parents used to believe that competition toughened kids. However, as psychologist Alfie Kohn points out, too much competition can end up failing, and children end up disliking whatever they do and becoming more stressed about it. The younger generations are instilling in their children the importance of collaboration and self-improvement over besting the other person, moving away from “winning” to “doing your best.”
4. Limited career options
Remember when becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer was the only thing that was acceptable? That was because of a time when job security was paramount. But studies at institutions like the American Psychological Association reveal that career satisfaction is directly associated with happiness in general. Today, parents are encouraging kids to follow their dreams and explore a wider range of careers, hoping that happiness is equally as vital as a secure salary.
3. Lack of emotional intelligence
Boomer parents never necessarily valued feelings—sometimes feelings were considered interruptions or even defects. Yet psychologist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that emotional intelligence is crucial for sound relationships and personal success. Younger generations are making space for open communication about feelings, being empathetic, and helping children to learn how to manage their emotions in healthy ways.
2. “Seen but not heard” philosophy
The old law that kids remain silent and adults talk is an antique. Psychologists now stress that children must be allowed to speak up and have a free line of communication. Parents today desire their kids to be heard and accorded respect, as they believe it makes them more assertive and emotionally intelligent. Dinner time is no longer a one-way conversation—there’s give and take, and each person has the opportunity to air their opinion.
1. Authoritarian parenting
Number one on the list is the classic “my way or the highway.” Boomer parents were given to strict rules and high demands with little room for negotiation. However, research by Dr. Diana Baumrind shows that while this method might command obedience in the short term, it generates low self-esteem and poor social skills in the long term. Modern parents are in search of a better-balanced model that combines discipline with communication and respect.
Parenting is evolving all the time, and although the Boomer generation brought up most of us, it seems that younger parents are forging their own way—one that’s more flexible, empathetic, and attuned to children today.