Emotional intimacy is the secret ingredient that transforms a marriage from a practical arrangement into a living, breathing, soul-nourishing bond. It’s the difference between being in a sense of roommate status and feeling like actual partners—best friends, lovers, and friends. When emotional intimacy is strong, the hardships of life feel less weighty, laughter is easier, and even the embarrassing or challenging moments are opportunities for more union. So how do you actually establish this type of closeness?
Let’s start counting down the 7 most effective ways to develop emotional closeness in your marriage, drawing from expert advice, real people’s stories, and a dash of wit. 7. Touch and Physical Affection
Never underestimate a touch.
Holding hands on a walk, a massage of the shoulders while watching a movie, or a shoulder rub when she is preparing dinner—these small gestures speak volumes. According to research cited by the American Psychological Association, non-touching is a potent way of confirming emotional bonds and making the partner feel seen and loved. Don’t save touch for the moments, however. As one guru distilled, the greatest foreplay starts in the heart and mind, not the bedroom. A soft hug or a light push can be the bridge between you, especially after a tough day. 6. Encourage Her Interests and Passions
Her passions and interests are a reflection of her soul.
Even if you don’t care about yoga, painting, or coding, taking an interest in what motivates her is an absolute surefire way to deepen your relationship. Ask her about her latest project, celebrate her achievement, and support her in doing something she loves. You don’t have to be a member of her book club or memorize her go-to recipe, but when you show that you appreciate what she does, you’re expressing to her that her happiness matters a lot. Such positive reinforcement has the effect of building trust and making her feel very appreciated. 5. Make Her Laugh and Share Joy
Laughter is the glue that holds couples together in times of stress and good fortune.
Horseplay, in-jokes, and goofy moments of delight create the sense of being “us against the world.” One relationship counselor says that laughter is great foreplay—and a terrific stress-reliever before trouble begins. Riffing on what’s happening now or chuckling about that terrible camping adventure, find ways to inject humor into everyday life. Joy multiplied is joy shared, and couples who laugh together are more likely to ride out life’s storms. 4. Do New and Challenging Things Together
Routine is comfortable, but it can also stifle the thrill of connection.
Research suggests that couples who challenge themselves together and try new things—whether it’s rock climbing, learning dance, or even learning a new recipe—get a boost of bonding. The adrenaline rush one gets from doing something new together is a feeling of bonding and accomplishment. So challenge each other at every turn. The experiences you’ll share will become the stories you tell for years to come, and the working together involved will help the two of you realize that you’re stronger together. 3. Shatter Routine and Keep Things Fresh
Tradition is wonderful, but a dash of spontaneity is an excellent way to spice up a marriage.
Swap your traditional dinner date for a spontaneous lunch, or surprise her with tickets to a play she’s been desperate to see. Even minor shifts—such as taking a different route on your walk home from work or planning a spontaneous weekend escape—can bring fresh energy into your union. The goal isn’t to reinvent your life, but to remind each other that you’re still curious, adventurous, and excited to share new experiences. 2. Show Appreciation and Pay Attention
It’s easy to take each other for granted, especially when life gets busy.
But noticing and acknowledging small things your wife does—whether it’s cleaning the house, taking care of your family, or simply being her wonderful self—is “filling up your emotional bank account.” Express gratitude often and sincerely. Tell her what you love about her, and be specific. Marriage therapists indicate that feeling appreciated and understood is one of the strongest indicators of marital happiness. When you comment on what you like about her work and compliment her abilities, you’re building a reservoir of trust and goodwill to carry you through the tough times. 1. Listen and Communicate Effectively—The Art of Conversation and Empathy
The heart of emotional closeness is the ability for open conversation and deep listening.
Conversation is not information exchange; conversation is soul-touching. Women, particularly, sometimes require heart-to-hearts as a way to feel close and understood. Actual listening, however, is more than nodding in agreement or merely waiting for your turn to speak. It’s putting your phone away, maintaining eye contact, and listening in on what she’s really saying—especially her feelings. As Christian counselor Barbara Rosberg explains, intimacy comes from the vulnerable sharing of our innermost thoughts and emotions, knowing we’ll be met with empathy and support. When your wife talks about old hurts or sore feelings, don’t feel compelled to defend yourself or fix the situation on the spot. Instead, offer your presence and empathy. Imagine walking with her through the “rooms” of your shared history, dusting off the cobwebs and caring for old hurts as a couple. This is the kind of empathy that converts conflict to connection and transforms a house into a home.
Developing emotional closeness is not difficult. It’s not the grand gestures or the perfect communication. It’s just being with each other, day after day, with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. When you make these seven habits your own, you’re not just creating a more solid marriage—you’re creating a partnership that can weather any storm and relish every joy.