Manipulation in relationships may begin subtly, but over time, it erodes trust, self-worth, and emotional security. From guilt-tripping to gaslighting, all of these behaviors conspire to create an unhealthy dynamic that leaves lasting scars. There are 10 of the most destructive manipulation techniques to look out for—and why they must never be overlooked.
10. Comparison Games
Manipulators adore playing the comparison card. They may indicate that someone else is doing something “better” or that you are not measuring up to others. This has nothing to do with encouraging you—it has to do with making you feel “less than” so you will work harder to appease them. WebMD says that manipulators tend to compare you to others in an attempt to make you feel threatened or to force you to comply with what they desire. If you find you’re being constantly compared to friends, exes, or even strangers, it’s a red flag.
9. Sarcasm and Cruel Humor
All manipulation isn’t overt. Often, it masquerades as jokes or sarcasm. A manipulator will sometimes mock your vulnerabilities, turn you into the joke, or use “humor” to erode your self-esteem. This isn’t a joke; it’s a means to undermine your self-worth and provide them with plausible deniability. If you feel worse as a result of their “jokes,” believe it.
8. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Rather than telling you what’s wrong, manipulators may sulk, freeze you out with the silent treatment, or act out in passive-aggressive ways. This hostile indirectness can leave you feeling perplexed and guilty for no good reason, wondering what you’ve done to offend. As Verywell Mind describes, avoidance, sarcasm, or melodramatics are all passive-aggressive manipulation strategies. The aim is to have you pursue them or apologize even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
7. Guilt-Tripping
Manipulators love guilt. They may remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, make you feel guilty for their own happiness, or pretend to be hurt when you create boundaries. The Bay Area CBT Center says guilt-tripping takes advantage of your sense of responsibility and morality to control your behavior. If you catch yourself apologizing all the time or owing them, step back and determine whether or not the guilt is really yours to bear.
6. Withholding and Withdrawal
Manipulators tend to use withdrawal as a punishment. This may entail the silent treatment, withholding of affection, or even refusing to speak until you comply. Verywell Mind cites that withholding information, affection to “punish” you, is an old emotional manipulation behavior. This is meant to make you feel desperate about their approval and more inclined to do what they want.
5. Love Bombing
It initially feels incredible—exaggerated affection, nonstop compliments, and grand gestures. But love bombing is a control mechanism aimed at hooking you quickly and aggressively. After you’re invested, the affection can turn off just as quickly, replaced by belittling or withholding. Verywell Mind calls love bombing “bombing you with grand gestures of affection in the beginning of the relationship,” to then discard and devalue you. The whiplash leaves you on edge and needing their validation.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is perhaps the most insidious form of manipulation. The manipulator deflects your reality, tells you you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy,” and has you questioning your memory and perceptions. Eventually, you begin doubting yourself and taking greater credence in their account of things. The Bay Area CBT Center explains that gaslighting involves persistent lying and denial of events, making the victim question their own reality and judgment. If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, it’s time to pay attention.
3. Isolation
Manipulators tend to isolate you from friends, family, or whoever may be your support system. They may badmouth your loved ones, make you feel guilty for hanging out with other people, or even attempt to turn your support system against you. Verywell Mind indicates that separating you from family and friends is a manipulator’s way of having more control over you. If you observe that your world becomes smaller, ask yourself who gains from it.
2. Ultimatums and Threats
When guilt and charm fail, manipulators can then resort to threats or ultimatums. This can be anything from threatening to leave you, injure themselves, or deny you something significant if you don’t do as they want. According to Verywell Mind, resorting to threats or violence to make you do something is an unmistakable indication of emotional manipulation. These methods are designed to intimidate you into compliance and have you tiptoeing on eggshells.
1. Blame-Shifting and Denial
Number one on the list is the manipulator’s skill at shirking responsibility. They lie, exaggerate, and distort the truth so that everything is your fault. If you call them on it, they may blame you or tell you you’re lying. Verywell Mind describes how emotionally manipulative individuals will not take responsibility, blame others, and get you to question yourself. All this blaming can make you disoriented, drained, and questioning what is real.
Identifying these methods is the first step to safeguarding yourself. If you see any of these patterns in your own relationship, understand that you’re not alone—and that your emotions are real. Setting boundaries, finding support, and listening to your inner voice are strong methods to reclaim your sense of safety and self.