Ever revealed something significant, only to be greeted with a disinterested shrug, an eye roll, or a speedy “You’re overreacting”? That pain you’re experiencing isn’t imagined—emotional invalidation has the power to hurt deeply, causing you to doubt your feelings, your value, and even your hold on reality. Learning what invalidation is, why it occurs, and how to handle it can make all the difference in the world for maintaining your emotional well-being and developing stronger, healthier relationships.
Emotional invalidation occurs when you are rejected, ignored, or criticized for your feelings and thoughts, with the implication that your feelings are not important or are in some way “wrong.” It can be direct, such as “You’re too sensitive,” or very subtle, such as a sigh, an eye roll, or subject changing when you attempt to share. Occasionally, individuals even attempt to “assist” by advising you or reinterpreting your experience—often with statements like “Just be positive” or “It could be worse”—without knowing that what you actually require is to be heard and comprehended. Emotional invalidation, as reported by Psych Central, can leave you feeling insignificant or unreasonable, and it can occur at any age.
Why do individuals invalidate? Oftentimes, it’s intentional—employed as a weapon to control, manipulate, or avoid accountability. But often, it’s unintentional. People might be uncomfortable with emotions, lack the skills to respond supportively, or simply feel overwhelmed themselves. Invalidation can also be a misguided attempt to help, like when someone jumps in with advice instead of listening. Cultural or generational differences can play a role, too—what feels like healthy emotional expression to one person might seem like “overreacting” to another. As described by Best Therapists, individuals do not always intend to invalidate others, but that does not make it any less hurtful when it occurs.
The reach of invalidation can be unexpectedly broad. In the short term, it can have you feeling hurt, angry, or confused. With time, ongoing invalidation—particularly during childhood—may undermine your confidence, get you to question your own feelings, and even lead to mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, or persistent self-doubt. One study featured by Complex Trauma Resources demonstrated that adolescents with histories of chronic psychological maltreatment, including emotional invalidation, evidenced equally or even higher levels of symptom severity than those with histories of physical abuse. These wounds can stick with you, influencing the way you view yourself and how you connect with others.
Invalidation can appear in any area of your life: at work, with friends, with your family, or with your romantic partner. Perhaps your boss dismisses your worries with a “Don’t worry about it,” or a friend says to “just relax” when you’re worried. Family members may downplay your struggles—”You’ll get over it”—while a partner may invalidate your needs or joke at your expense. Different contexts present different issues, but the thread that runs through them is feeling unseen or unheard.
Then what do you do when faced with invalidation? First, remain calm. It is only human to be defensive or hurt, but if you take a breath, you have time to respond intelligently. Assertive communication is the goal—speaking with “I” statements, so you can express your feelings without coming across as accusatory. For instance, “You never listen” can become “I feel dismissed when I explain something significant and it is dismissed.” Establishing boundaries is necessary, too, if a person is constantly invalidating you.
This could involve walking away from the conversation, minimizing your interactions, or simply confronting the situation. If a friend interrupts you or shoots down your suggestions all the time, you could say, “I need to get through my thought before you can reply. I want to ensure that I am being heard.
Other times, the best validation is from within. Even though others might not validate your feelings, you can tell yourself that your feelings are real and deserving of recognition. If you’re told, “You’re overreacting,” respond to yourself with, “My feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be upset about this.” Validating yourself is an important step in shielding your emotional well-being, say Best Therapists.
Once you’ve been invalidated, you need to take care of yourself. Validate your own feelings—allow yourself to hurt or be angry without criticizing yourself. Take a time-out if that’s what you need, and treat yourself as kindly as you’d treat a friend. Reconnect with activities that recharge you, perhaps a walk, a hobby, or some time alone. Reach out to someone who will hear you and acknowledge your experience, and remind you of your value. Writing in a journal can also be a way to process what occurred and get back into perspective.
Emotional invalidation does not define your worth or your experience. By acknowledging it, responding assertively, and taking care of your own emotional well-being, you can stop the cycle and make room for relationships where you feel fully seen and respected.