Divorce dating can be like moving into a whole new galaxy—exciting, disorienting, and sometimes downright confusing. If you’re wading back into the dating waters, you can’t help but want to slip into flag-waving mode and avoid repeating the errors of your past. But what if you turned the script around and instead paid attention to the green flags—the good signs that could mean someone is an amazing match for your new life? Here are the nine key green flags to observe, listed from nine down to one that makes the greatest difference.
9. You Feel Comfortable and Safe Around Them
The final green flag is that sense of calm and safety you feel when you are around them. As The Anxious Stepmom puts it, “If you already know in your heart now that when you are around him, you are calm, you feel comfortable, and you don’t have to try so hard? That is perhaps the biggest green flag of all.” You need to feel secure and loved, especially when life gets weird. If you’re not second-guessing yourself every step of the way or walking on eggshells, you’re in a good place.
8. They Respect Your Timeline and Boundaries
Jumping into a new relationship after divorce is daunting, and everyone moves at his/her own pace. A huge green flag is if your partner honors your boundaries—meeting the children, establishing the relationship, or just going slow. They never push you past where you are comfortable going and are respectful of your past. This shows compassion and genuine interest in your welfare.
7. They Are Responsible and Independent Financially
Being financially stable isn’t just about having money—it’s about being responsible and independent. As paraphrased by The Anxious Stepmom, “He’s got his financial ducks in a row or is actively working on a plan to be able to provide for his family for the long term.” They’re not looking to be praised for doing the minimum, and they’re not looking to be rescued. This kind of independence is an excellent gauge of maturity and readiness for a healthy relationship.
6. They Prioritize Self-Care and Support
Recovery from divorce can be stressful, especially for parents. A green flag is a person who realizes their limitations and isn’t too arrogant to seek help or prioritize their own needs. This humility and self-awareness sign that they’re playing the long game—not just for themselves, but for you and any kids in the picture.
5. They Are Open About Their Past and Personal Growth
Everyone has baggage, but what matters is how they handle it. According to the Love Connection blog, “What matters most is not whether someone has baggage, but how they handle it.” If they can talk about their previous relationships honestly, take responsibility for their role, and show they’ve learned and grown, that’s a huge green flag. It means they’re self-aware and committed to personal growth, not stuck in old patterns.
4. They Are Emotionally Mature Communicators
Emotional maturity is the bedrock of any relationship that will work. According to American Behavioral Clinics, “An emotionally mature person can own up to their own mistakes and not immediately look to blame others.” They communicate effectively, handle conflict with dignity, and listen to your needs. If you’re able to have tough discussions and hear yourself being heard, you’re on firm ground.
3. They Are Dedicated to Co-Parenting (If Applicable)
If there are kids involved, look for indications that your partner is serious about co-parenting. They don’t need to be BFFs with their ex, but they should be mature, communicative, and willing to prioritize putting the kids first. This indicates they’re playing the long game and are capable of dealing with complicated family situations.
2. They Don’t Use Their Parent Role to Draw a Mate
Parenting is precious, but it isn’t something to be used as bait for snagging a new mate. A green flag is someone who freely tells you they’re a parent and doesn’t make that the entirety of what they’re about or use it as a point-scoring device. They’re complex, can talk to you about lots of different topics, and consider their children a part of their life, not a tool.
1. They Are Open and Honest Regarding Being a Parent (If Applicable) and Regarding Themselves
Authenticity is everything. On Love Connection blog, “Authenticity is about being true to oneself, expressing feelings openly and honestly, and not being afraid to show vulnerability.” Whatever it is, embracing the dorky parts of parenting or their dreams and aspirations, someone who is authentic with you is someone you know you can trust. This honesty is the basis for a relationship built on respect, trust, and true connection.
It’s far too easy to get swept up in the honeymoon stage and let green flags mask red ones. As Black Love reminds us, “Honeymoon stages can mask some of the deepest-rooted problems in your partner and in the relationship if you choose to only go on green flags.” Stay woke to yourself, trust your gut, and don’t ignore discomfort or pain. The most solid connections are not grounded simply on green flags, but on respect and openness.