What we experience as children leaves a lasting impression, and for many, wounds inflicted early in life can reverberate into adulthood and relationships. From trust problems to abandonment issues, childhood trauma tends to inform the way we love, communicate, and relate. Follow along for 7 of the largest ways those formative experiences can impact your relationships now.
7. Effect on Parenting and Family Life
Childhood trauma does not stop at you—it tends to reverberate across generations. If you came from a setting where there wasn’t much emotional support or boundaries, then it may be difficult for you to create a secure, nurturing environment for your own children. Simi Psychological Group states that children who have survived trauma often cannot regulate their own emotions, which makes it harder for them to establish good boundaries and develop healthy attachments with their peers. Unresolved pain may manifest as an extreme emotional response or emotional shutting down, involving the whole family dynamic.
6. Repeating Distorted Relationship Patterns
Do you ever feel like you’re trapped in a cycle, choosing partners who have the same drama or pain as previous ones? It’s not bad luck—it’s trauma reenactment in many cases. As explained by Psych Central, a lack of resolution in childhood trauma can cause you to unknowingly seek relationships that feel familiar, though unhealthy. You may be attracted to partners who recreate the power imbalances or emotional woes you had as a child, continuing patterns of dysfunction.
5. Sexual Intimacy Issues
The wounds of childhood trauma also reveal themselves in the bedroom. Survivors are challenged with having a healthy and satisfying sexual connection, such as having a low libido, avoiding intimacy, or being unable to enjoy pleasure. Such problems, says Simi Psychological Group, tend to be the result of the trauma’s influence on self-esteem, body image, and general sense of well-being. Honesty and understanding are needed to create feelings of safety and trust in intimate relationships.
4. Impacts on Self-Esteem and Advocacy
Trauma in childhood can make you feel unlovable and undeserving of respect, which can make it difficult to stand up for your own needs. You may find yourself constantly needing others’ approval, accepting abuse, or being excessively self-sacrificing just to gain approval. According to Simi Psychological Group, negative self-thoughts can erode your self-confidence and sense of being able to stand up for yourself, making it difficult to set limits or express your needs.
3. Attachment Styles and Intimacy Issues
Your first relationships determine the template for how you relate to others. If your parents were inconsistent, neglecting, or emotionally unavailable, you may form insecure attachment styles—such as anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant. Licensed mental health counselor Christie Pearl states that these attachment styles can cause you to seek attention but flee intimacy, or fear being abandoned, and require constant reassurance. This can result in struggling to create deep, trusting relationships and repeating unhealthy cycles.
2. Communication Issues and Emotional Withdrawal
If it wasn’t safe to express emotions when you were growing up, you may have difficulty communicating as an adult. Survivors of early trauma tend to have trouble discussing their needs or feelings, possibly withdrawing emotionally or evading sensitive issues. As described by Simi Psychological Group, this may result in misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional distance, and make relationships feel strained or distant.
1. Issues of Trust and Fear of Abandonment
Deep down, the central issue for many trauma survivors in relationship problems is a primal fear of abandonment and a lack of trust in others. If you were betrayed or disappointed as a child, trusting others can seem like an impossible task.
You may maintain emotional walls around yourself as a protection mechanism, but these walls may actually prevent intimacy and closeness, resulting in loneliness and isolation.
As per Simi Psychological Group, this anxiety can motivate such behaviors as emotional withdrawal or an excessive need for reassurance, which makes it difficult to form long-term, healthy relationships.