Traditional masculinity has been a double-edged sword for centuries. It gives men a sense of purpose, mission, and belonging, but it can also trap men in prescriptive roles that stifle emotion, damage relationships, and destroy mental health. Now, as the world is rethinking masculinity, the debate about what it means to be a man is more urgent—and more nuanced—than ever before.
Masculinity is not something that is born in males; it is acquired. Boys are presented with an unofficial rulebook on the very first day: be tough, never cry, boss around, never be weak. They receive these messages from everywhere—parents, teachers, friends, movies, and even the playthings they play with. Gender socialization, according to United Way NCA, is the way in which individuals learn society’s expectations and behaviors for the ascribed gender, starting early in life and ongoing through agents like family, media, education, and social institutions. Not only is the boy conditioned to see himself, but to interact with the world—and how the world sees him.
The media plays the starring role in this soap opera. Whether the gruff action man who never sheds a tear or the sitcom dad who’s oblivious to his own feelings, men learn that openness with their feelings is a sign of weakness. These stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that they’re not even questioned, despite their unseen role in shaping men’s lives. Because Leshata Winter Mokhwelepa and Gsakani Olivia Sumbane found in their systematic review, society’s traditional masculine norms emphatically discourage men from seeking mental health interventions, a case for culturally responsive interventions that break these barriers is made.
But at what real cost are such norms? For the majority of men, the cost remains subdued. Bottling up feelings is wrongly perceived as a show of strength, but it leads to anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Research shows that the men who adhere closest to traditional masculine norms are less likely to seek help when they need it. They may turn to risk-taking actions—substance abuse, violence, or emotional distance—as coping mechanisms. This isn’t just a personal issue; it’s a matter of public health. In the US, for example, men are significantly more likely to die by suicide or through preventable conditions, a gap caused in part by the refusal to be vulnerable and to appear invulnerable.
Neither are relationships left unaffected. When men are taught to avoid vulnerability, it is hard to form intimate, real relationships. As psychologist Satadeepa Som suggests, gender roles can profoundly affect our relationships by generating power discrepancies and constraining us to express ourselves truthfully. When couples’ gender role expectations are mismatched, satisfaction crashes. The traditional script—male breadwinner, female caregiver—is no longer relevant for many couples, but the new one is still in the making, occasionally by experimentation and trial.
The good news? The world is trembling. Young adults are challenging the older patterns and testing new ways of living. Parents more and more see the dangers of traditional gender roles and are making a genuine effort to raise boys who are thinkers and girls who are confident leaders. But change is not level. As found in a qualitative US parents’ study by Sarah DeGue and colleagues, masculinity beliefs range on a continuum of rigid to flexible, and most parents sit somewhere in the middle. Fathers, less often than mothers do report having more flexible beliefs; however, cultural, racial, and generational factors all must be considered.
Culture introduces further complexity. In certain cultures, traditional masculinity is perceived as a shield against discrimination or adversity. An African American father in the US, for example, may emphasize strength and resilience as a way of equipping his son to navigate a hostile and unfair world. Latino parents also refer to a generational shift, with younger fathers taking more emotionally expressive approaches to child-rearing than their predecessors. These nuances matter, for interventions that are not embedded in a cultural context may miss the mark—or even backfire.
So, what actually works in shifting toxic masculinity norms? The evidence backs a few simple approaches. Multi-session, interactive education courses—especially those that involve peer contact, role models, and co-design with participants—are stronger than one-off lectures or campaigns. It is according to Rebecca Stewart and others that interventions are more successful when using peer-based learning in education programs, through peer delivery and leadership, and participant involvement in design and development. The above approaches are used to break down resistance, enable buy-in, and leave space for men and boys to experiment with new ways of relating to themselves and others.
Parents and educators are on the front line. By being emotionally vulnerable themselves, opening kids’ eyes to challenging stereotypes, and being supportive of them pursuing their interests despite their gender, adults can help the next generation break free from the old boxes. Media creators can also step up, by offering more inclusive and realistic depictions of masculinity and femininity.
The journey towards more fluid gender roles isn’t always easy. It’s being on a tightrope between the old and the new. But the more men—and women—enter into vulnerability, empathy, and authenticity, the rewards are clear: healthier brains, stronger relationships, and a world where all are free to be themselves. The script is changing, and everyone has a part in scripting the next act.