Flirting is not always straightforward to interpret–sometimes it’s affectionate interest, and other times it’s merely friendly behavior. Mixed signals have you guessing whether a person is really into you or simply being kind. These 9 simple signs will help you determine whether someone is flirting with you–and whether they’re not.
9. Glancing and Room Sweeps
Even though they’re not locking gazes constantly, repeated glances your way or sweeping the room to locate you are telling signs of attraction. The “room sweep” is when a person glances around but never fails to include you in the gaze, and the “direct look” is a fast, direct stare. Both are indicative that they are attracted to you and want to keep you in view.
8. Compliments and Generosity
Praising you for random things–such as your courage for doing something small–or your appearance, instead of merely your clothing, is an indication they’re grabbing any opportunity to make you feel special. Selfless acts, including offering little presents or tokens (consider “penguin pebbling” in autistic flirters), also mean affection and interest.
7. Questioning and Active Conversation
A person who is flirting will be interested in finding out more about you. They will ask you questions, recall information about your life, and continue with the topics you’ve discussed. Good conversation, and particularly lots of follow-up questions, indicate they are interested in connecting and becoming intimate with you.
6. Directness and Obvious Gestures
While many flirting cues are subtle, some people–especially autistic individuals–prefer direct communication. They might simply tell you they’re interested or use conspicuous gestures like giving flowers, writing letters, or suggesting traditional dates. This straightforward approach can be refreshing and leaves little room for misinterpretation.
5. Adapting Routines and Making Time
Altering habits to spend more time around you is a large indicator of interest. From attempting a new coffee order because you told them to, changing up lunchtime, or routinely sticking around to head out at the same time as you, these small shifts reveal they’re going through efforts to be near you.
4. Nervousness, Blushing, and Playful Mistakes
Attraction tends to be accompanied by a dash of nerves. When someone becomes flustered, blushes, or gets tongue-tied around you, it’s a sign that they’re emotionally invested. Nervous giggling, fidgeting, or lighthearted faux pas (such as wishing you a happy birthday when it is not your birthday) can be sweet indicators of flirting.
3. Respectful Flirting and Consent
Flirting must always be respectful and consensual. Bay Area Dating Coach describes non-creepy flirting as observing verbal and non-verbal cues, beginning with low-risk behaviors, and asking for permission when in doubt. If one is sensitive to your comfort and boundaries, they’re flirting in a respectful, healthy manner.
2. Special Flirting Styles (e.g., autistic cues)
Not everyone flirts the same way. Autistic individuals tend to be affectionate through “penguin pebbling” (small gifts), infodumping (sharing enthusiastic interests), or problem-solving assistance. They may also rework routines or convey directly. Knowing these idiosyncratic styles allows you to see flirting that is beyond usual hints.
1. Signs They’re Not Interested
It’s equally as crucial to know when the other person is not flirting. When your efforts at small talk are greeted by curt, one-word responses, shut-down body language, or they systematically withdraw from touch, they’re not interested. As Love Strategies elucidates, it’s more humane to speak directly and go one’s way than to misread cues or keep on trying.
Flirting is a waltz of subtle cues, teasing touches, and true connection. Whether it’s matching your body positioning, brightening up with a smile, or merely carving out time for you, these signals can guide you to unravel the enigma of attraction–and steer you clear of the hazards of misunderstanding the room.