Masculinity is being rewritten, and nowhere is this more evident than in how fathers are currently raising their sons. The old playbook—men were to be stoic, controlling, and emotionally aloof—is being rewritten by a newer generation of parents who desire something different for their boys. This change is less about turning attitudes on their heads; it’s about redefining the very idea of what it is to be a man, a partner, and a father.
Boys were for decades taught that masculinity was about keeping quiet, that men don’t cry, and that they were valuable only insofar as they could provide and protect. These prescriptions, as recorded by researchers and mothers, have had long-term effects. Based on qualitative research of US parents, most mothers and fathers alike continue to remember being instructed to “man up” or suppress their feelings, instructions that tended to result in emotion suppression, not seeking help, and a host of mental illnesses. The stress of conformity to these norms has been correlated with increased depression, suicide, and even violence among men and boys, and relationship discord and conflict with emotional vulnerability.
But the tide is shifting. Modern parents, particularly Millennials and Gen Zers, are increasingly aware of the damage done by restrictive gender roles. Most are actively working to raise boys who are not only resilient, but also empathetic, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent. It can be seen by the manner in which mothers and fathers discuss masculinity. Some still cling to outdated myths-men as provider, leader, and protector-but increasingly, they are adopting a more flexible thinking. These fathers bring up their sons to be feeling, emotive, and engaged in activities previously deemed “feminine” without endangering manhood.
Much to everyone’s surprise, the range of ideas regarding masculinity is also specified by other factors beyond gender. Race, ethnicity, and cultural heritage are significant factors too. For instance, Black fathers are more likely to discuss the extra work of socializing their sons to endure racial discrimination, which can perpetuate the need for strength and toughness. Latino fathers discuss the change across generations from the emotionally distant, authoritarianism of their own fathers to one of increased involvement, caregiving, and communication with children. White fathers and mothers, in particular, report that they have the most adaptable attitudes, being open in feelings and rejecting the notion that boys always have to be tough.
Parents’ work socializing gender is essential. Mothers are more likely to react to language and affect effects, countering language such as “boys don’t cry” and encouraging empathetic, emotionally sensitive sons. Fathers, while sometimes less sensitive to the emotional costs of obsolete norms, are also getting on board with the value of role-modeling good behaviors—showing up, being respectful, and role-modeling for boys how to do social pressure without violence or emotional shutdown.
This change is not occurring in isolation. Social media and digital culture at the same time have compounded boys’ and young men’s challenges and opportunities. While on the one hand social media such as Instagram and TikTok play a role in reinforcing unachievable ideals of masculinity and body ideals, causing anxiety and self-doubt, on the other they offer avenues through which mental health, vulnerability, and the diversity of men’s lives can be discussed freely. As highlighted by current research, boys from Gen Z are more likely to go for therapy, discuss their emotions, and drop the stigma that seeking help is a measure of weakness.
The new fatherhood model is characterized by involvement at the hands-on level, nurturing support, and dedication to joint effort in the home. Millennial and Gen Z dads are not only breadwinners; they are changing diapers, participating in school functions, and prioritizing quality time with the kids. They seek work-life balance, support diversity, and attempt to create spaces of belonging where the kids feel safe to be themselves. By being vulnerable and empathetic, these dads are teaching their sons that to be strong is not to keep it in, but to be real.
Of course, the path is not smooth. Parents must balance their own existence with the existence they wish to create for their children. Cultural custom, family origin, and social mores might complicate straying from established patterns. Yet the fact that these parents can question, to change, and to continue changing is what makes this generation different from the last.
As the conversation about masculinity evolves, the impact on boys’ mental health, relationships, and identity has profound ripple effects. By constructing emotional intelligence, keeping channels of communication open, and challenging antiquated norms, fathers and mothers now are laying the foundation for a healthier, more cohesive, and more compassionate generation of men. The future of masculinity is not about hardness or vulnerability—it’s about being true to oneself, and it starts at home.