Have you ever wondered why a few children seem as if they are trapped in a box when they think of boys and girls? The reason for such behavior is the influence of the so-called gender stereotypes – the set of beliefs and rules from which the shaping process of the human being starts at birth. These stereotypes are not simply about the color of clothes or whether a child plays with cars or dolls. They are profoundly entwined with the kids’ self-esteem and mental health, even to the extent of affecting their future job and love life.
There are gender stereotypes all around. The so-called differences between men’s and women’s brains are overstated, according to neuroscientist Cordelia Fine, and most of the purported “natural” differences between the genders are actually a result of environment and upbringing. Our brains, our culture, and what Fine terms “neurosexism” collaborate to program gender, but this programming is malleable and reversible. That is to say, how we educate children about gender can have an enormous influence on their lives.
So, how do stereotypes get implanted? It begins early. By age seven, kids have already acquired an entire set of ideas about what it means to be a boy or a girl. They pick these lessons up from parents, teachers, media, and sometimes even the toys they are offered. Parents tend to reinforce gender roles unconsciously, research indicates—offering girls fuzzy, “feminine” toys and boys action figures or trucks, or gender-specific chores. Even the smallest actions, such as praising girls for being quiet and boys for being loud, convey strong messages regarding what is appreciated in each gender.
The family is the site of gender socialization. Parents socialize the gender roles through their own actions—who cooks, who does repairs, who makes choices. When mothers assume more childcare and household responsibilities, daughters are more apt to embrace traditional gender attitudes. When fathers help with childcare, children have more gender-flexible notions. The world parents create—through toys and books and even the way they speak to their children—reinforces these roles. For instance, mothers might use more emotional language with girls, whereas they speak about learning or spatial things with boys, which influences how kids view themselves and their capacities.
But the implications of gendered parenting don’t end in childhood. As children become adolescents, the implications become more critical. Adolescence is a period of accelerated change—biologically, emotionally, and socially. It’s also when gender-differentiated consequences start to manifest. Girls tend to have worse self-assessed health, higher levels of anxiety and depression, and are more at risk for violence based on gender. Boys, however, experience higher levels of death due to accidents and violence, and are frequently dissuaded from expressing vulnerability or seeking assistance for emotional issues.
Parents continue to play key roles throughout this phase, although peers and the media increasingly influence them. In a study conducted by Cassandra K. Dittman, parents are shown to continue to demonstrate gender attitudes and roles throughout adolescence. Daughters spend more time with mothers, while sons spend more time with fathers, and these determine the adolescent’s interests and activities. Parental attitudes about gender—whether traditional or egalitarian—are reliably associated with the gender role attitudes of their children, especially among girls. When parents hold opposing beliefs, the more egalitarian attitude tends to have a stronger influence.
Parents’ environment still plays a role. Teens are still directed toward gender-stereotypical activities, and the assignment of duties, privileges, and even resources can perpetuate stereotypical roles. This has long-term effects on self-concept, academic performance, and vocational choice. Boys, for instance, might build stronger self-concept in athletics and math, while girls emphasize language and social skills, setting narrow goals for themselves.
The effect of gendered parenting has nothing to do with interests or jobs—it has to do with mental health and relationships. Traditional gender roles can result in poor mental health, elevated male suicide, girls having low self-esteem, and body image problems. Boys who are under pressure to meet the traditional masculine role may be unwilling to seek assistance, whereas girls may learn internalized compliance and nurturance and forego leadership roles.
For non-conforming children and adolescents who do not fit stereotypical gender roles—those who are LGBTQI+ or gender non-conforming—the danger is even more pronounced. Rejection or efforts at controlling gender expression by parents contribute to negative emotional and behavioral outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, drug use, and even homelessness. Conversely, when parents are accepting and supportive, LGBTQI+ children and youth have mental health outcomes that are similar to their peers.
Toxic masculinity, also known as machismo, is another destructive result of strict gender roles. It shows men how to repress emotions, identifies respect with violence, and associates masculinity with dominance and aggression. This not only damages men and boys but also promotes violence against women and those who do not fit into gender norms. According to the World Health Organization, much violence against women is carried out by men, frequently based on these toxic expectations.
Then, what to do? Shattering the gender stereotype cycle needs to be addressed at all levels. Parents need to begin by questioning their own prejudices, providing a variety of activities and toys, and pushing children to follow their interests irrespective of gender. Freedom of expression is the key—letting children speak freely without prejudice. Teachers can design integrated classrooms, not use gendered labels, and offer multiple role models. Media producers must do better than to use stereotypes and present authentic, diverse portrayals of gender.
Dismantling something so entrenched in our culture won’t be easy, but every step forward is a good one. By educating ourselves to recognize our own unconscious prejudice and making mindful choices, we can raise children to be strong, compassionate, and resilient people—free to simply be themselves, regardless of gender.