Honestly, parents, let’s discuss some very real things that are often concealed, which parents might do without realizing that their children’s self-esteem and emotional health are harmed. These negativities in the family are not solely confined to parents who are negligent or unloving; likewise, loving, well-meaning parents can become so engrossed in these negative patterns that they do not even realize the harm they cause for a long time. If you find that you exhibit some of these behaviors, then do not get angry with yourself; you are on the path of getting better by taking the first step for a change.
10. Refusing decision-making or autonomy
When parents make all of the decisions for their child, they are sending the message that their opinion and choice are not important. That diminishes a child’s sense of control and can leave them feeling powerless. As Kristina Campos, the founder of The Impactful Parent, points out, children require choices and the opportunity to experience things for themselves to develop a sense of confidence in their capabilities. Kristina Campos adds that overprotecting and jumping in too quickly to help can also communicate that children aren’t able to manage things by themselves.
9. Breaking promises and shutting down feelings
When parents don’t follow through on promises or deny their child’s feelings with statements such as “Don’t worry about it” or “There’s no reason to be upset,” children feel insignificant and discredited. This can undermine trust and instill in children that their feelings are insignificant. Dissing a child’s feelings—by invading their privacy space or demanding they do things your way—can make them feel unseen and unheard.
8. Comparison and criticism
Repeatedly comparing a child to siblings or peers, or being excessively critical, erodes their sense of self-worth. Phrases like “You could have tried harder” or “You should have done this instead” might sound innocuous, but they can, over time, build feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Name-calling and put-downs, even during times of frustration, can be particularly harmful.
7. Excessive expectations and pressure
Placing unrealistic expectations or forcing children to live up to some kind of standard—be it academic, social, or personal—engenders chronic stress. This can make children feel as though they are never good enough, inducing anxiety and a poor sense of self. Holding children hostage to parental aspirations or treating them as an extension of their parents’ own selves is a dangerous precipice.
6. Overprotection and lack of autonomy
Doing it all for your child or jumping in too quickly to assist can actually send a message that you don’t trust them to do it themselves. Kids need to learn to navigate obstacles and even fail to become resilient and build self-assurance. Overprotection discourages development and autonomy.
5. Enmeshment and lack of boundaries
When parents draw on their children for emotional support or use their children as confidantes, boundaries are blurred. This enmeshment can make children feel responsible for their parents’ happiness, trapping them in a role they can’t escape. As described by Dr. Margaret Rutherford, statements like “I don’t know what I’d do without you” or “You’re saving me from myself” can leave kids feeling guilty for wanting independence and insecure about their own abilities. Dr. Margaret Rutherford describes enmeshment as a career a child can’t leave, and it frequently culminates in ongoing difficulties with identity and self-esteem.
4. Guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation
Making guilt a compliance tool—either consciously or not—can have long-term psychological consequences. Phrases such as “I work all day to provide a roof for you, and you can’t even wash a few dishes? Or “When you do that, you make me sad and disappointed. Do you really want to hurt my feelings? ” put the responsibility of the parents’ feelings on the child. In time, this will cause toxic guilt, anxiety, and trouble with healthy relationships. Kids who learn to guilt-trip grow up thinking they need to remain in abusive relationships because they learned to pay more attention to others’ emotions than to their own. A Fine Parent points out that guilt-tripping isn’t teaching empathy; it’s a manipulative strategy that can shut down kids emotionally.
3. Minimization and invalidation of feelings: Ignoring or minimizing a child’s feelings
Telling them they’re “too sensitive” or “making a big deal over nothing”—instructs them to discount their own emotions. That minimization hinders emotional development and can contribute to self-doubt and emotional dysregulation. Minimization, in the form of invalidation, sends the message that a child’s thoughts and feelings aren’t important, and that can have lasting consequences for their capacity to trust themselves and for coping with life’s challenges. The MEND Project points out that validation creates a safe space for children to practice regulating their emotions and encourages healthy emotional development.
2. Weaponized joking and public put-downs
Making fun of a child or humiliating them publicly is more than a fleeting mistake—it’s emotional abuse. Sarcasm, humiliation, and put-downs, particularly before others, are devastating and generate profound shame and insecurity. Children might learn to perform to gain approval or conceal their actual feelings, but the damage from these interactions will extend well into adulthood. True humor never happens at the cost of another human being’s dignity.
1. Withholding affection and communication
Most toxic behaviors that parental figures can manifest are conceivably the acts of withholding communication, listening, or affection as a form of punishment. Not giving love, physical contact, or praise to a child who has done well in school makes the child feel isolated and that he is unlovable. The unspoken treatment or ignoring a child’s achievements teaches them that love is dependent on conditions and can be taken away at any time. Such a type of emotional neglect is so hard to overcome that in most cases, children carry it with them into their adult relationships. If such behaviors as mentioned above ring a bell, then you have to believe that a change is doable. Your relationship with your child can be revolutionized by honest reflection, and an ownership of mistakes can give them the self-esteem and emotional capability they need for their development.