Grief is something that everyone has to go through, but it is still a very individual and confusing experience. Grief is to uproot your existence, whether it be from the loss of a family member, the breaking up of a relationship, or the death of a dream that mattered to you. It is not that the person would feel sorrow or maybe cry a lot—such events might evoke the experience of feeling waves of grief, sometimes very weak, sometimes very strong, and always your own.
Most people, however, think that the grief process is mainly related to the death of a close person. Nevertheless, the divorce, the fighting between good friends, the coming down of a person with a chronic disease, or the destruction of long-term plans can be the reasons for deep grieving. Grieving can be a silent visitor in one’s life that comes unexpectedly in any situation that breaks the person’s view of the usual or the self, such as job loss or the death of a pet that was dearly loved. With every death, the veil of what has been most familiar is lifted, and you are left to discover the depths of feelings you never knew existed.
Grief manifests differently. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, and sometimes even numbness—often all in one day—emotionally. Physically, you may experience fatigue, headaches, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, or a feeling of ill health in general. You may struggle to concentrate, feel disconnected from life, or just go through the motions without actually living them.
Most are familiar with the concept of grief occurring in stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. The stages can be helpful as a map, but grief is not usually a linear, predictable process. Not all people go through all the stages, and they don’t necessarily come in sequence. Grief can occur in waves, sometimes relenting, sometimes cropping up unexpectedly, particularly on anniversaries or significant dates.
One of the most valuable things you can do is to allow yourself to feel whatever arises, no matter how messy or contradictory it may be. Blocking feelings doesn’t make them disappear—it more likely keeps the hurt alive. Permit yourself to cry, become angry, laugh over a memory, or just feel nothing for a little while. There is no right or wrong in grieving.
Having others support you can be a big help. Even if you prefer to be alone, calling on friends, family, or a support group can lighten the load. Sometimes, just hearing someone out—without advice or judgment—can be a lifesaver. If you find it difficult to talk, journaling or talking to a grief counselor can help.
When the grief is too overwhelming, it may seem that self-care is out of your hands, but it is the one thing that you need the most. Little things – a good night of sleep, eating healthy, walking, being with nature – can help you remain in touch with yourself. Taking care of oneself is not a complete “removal” of sorrow, but it is a step towards its acknowledgment.
However, there are times when grieving does not lessen even with time. You may find yourself trapped by nostalgia, unable to live on, and these may be signs of complicated or prolonged grief. It is possible to happen after very sad and dramatic events or after a series of losses. In such situations, the help of a professional can be your closest ally. No sign of weakness, it’s there when you need help—grief is not only an emotional torment but also a heavy burden on your health.
To recognize the life that is left after losing someone does not imply forgetting or abandoning the past completely. It is about combining the experience with your own personal life, remembering and loving the person lost, and discovering some ways to develop through the pain. These means of sacrifice, artistic creation, and remembrance – such as planting a tree, composing a letter, or narrating – can not only be a way of letting go but also becoming open to the next phases of life.
Grief changes, and usually, it does so unexpectedly. However, it is possible to find hope, even joy, through time, help, and being nice to oneself. There is no schedule or direction, but just one step and then the next one.