Family is the place where we develop our own stories, and the manner in which we interact with those people who live with us makes deep impressions on what we become. A lot of years have passed, and the concept of family has changed with even more diverse and different kinds of families and functions. However, it doesn’t matter if the family is a two-parent, single-parent, or a mixed-up group of caregivers; the communication processes—what experts have termed family relationships—still hold the same impact for our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Scientists have characterized four major types of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. In the authoritarian family, the parents are the ones who set strict regulations and carry out the rules without any questions. As a result, children behave well, but they can also be low in self-esteem, not very skilful in decision-making, and sometimes they might show signs of aggressiveness. Parents who follow the permissive style are affectionate and caring but use little discipline, which helps the child to develop high self-esteem, but at the same time, the child is likely to be impulsive and to have weak self-control.
The unengaged style of emotional disconnection may push kids toward resilience out of need, but too often at the cost of emotional regulation and social skills. The authoritative style, which pairs clear expectations with warmth and open communication, always produces the healthiest result—confident, capable kids who can manage their feelings and relationships.
But parenting is a relationship, not rules or a style. The parent-child bond, particularly with fathers, has been traditionally downplayed but is increasingly understood as a significant determinant of everything from our capacity to have healthy adult relationships to our own self-esteem. Our relationship with our fathers determines our ability to be committed, our fear of abandonment, and even our capacity to stand up for ourselves or enjoy work and love, says Elisabetta Franzoso. The quantity, quality, or character of a father’s participation can stain a youngster’s outlook and influence his or her choices deep into adulthood.
Sometimes, boundaries between parent and offspring disappear—the enmeshing process. When they get fuzzy, youngsters can take on the responsibility of keeping their parents happy or emotionally stable, and feel guilty, insecure, and have difficulty establishing independence. As Dr. Margaret Rutherford describes, enmeshment is a feeling of a job you can’t quit, with adult children having difficulty making decisions without seeking the opinion of their parents and feeling trapped by their loyalty feelings. The patterns can be broken, but parents and children must establish new routines and access resources outside the family to accomplish this.
Family structure also enters the picture, specifically single-parent families. In the United States, more than 23 million children live with single parents, the majority of them with only mothers. While research suggests that children reared in one-parent homes are at risk for a range of problems—more poverty, more parental stress, fewer minutes per parent—these problems are often attributed more to socioeconomic status than to family structure in general.
As the Annie E. Casey Foundation points out, stable and secure strong bonds and nurturing environments are those that actually can assist children to thrive regardless of family composition. Single parents do create loving, supportive homes that foster development and resilience.
The wholesomeness of family relationships—mutuality, communication, flexibility, and warmth—has been found to go along with improved health, such as more sleep and better blood pressure levels, and greater emotional well-being. In contrast, unhealthy relationships, such as persistent criticism, unclear roles, or emotional distance, can increase the risk of mental and physical disease. Supportive family relationships have been found to foster healthy behavior; stressful relationships undermine coping and even immune response.
Parenting isn’t about correcting; it’s about building a child’s self-concept. Praise, when specific and effort-based, not just achievement-based, stimulates children to learn desired behaviors and reinforces self-esteem. Reflecting a child’s words shows that you’re listening to what they say and reaffirms their language and interpersonal skills. Imitating a child’s activity or behavior sends the message that his or her interests matter, leading to bonding and social growth. Enjoyment—conveyed by warmth, smiles, and mutual laughter—enhances the parent-child relationship and conveys positivity.
As grown-ups mature from youngsters, the need for parents’ approval and love does not disappear. Grown-up children still desire respect, thanks, and independence in making decisions on their own. Healthy family relationships evolve in agreement with independence in conjunction with an undercurrent foundation of unconditional support and acceptance. The process carries on, guided by self-reflection, open communication, and the desire to still be growing together.