Healing from emotional abuse in a romantic relationship isn’t simply a matter of escaping the abuser—it’s a meandering, occasionally messy path that will lead you through unfamiliar country. If you ever find yourself asking why it seems so difficult to “get back to yourself” following emotional abuse, you’re certainly not alone. Survivors repeatedly find themselves confronted with a series of obstacles that extend far past the escape. Let’s walk through the seven most challenging stages, starting from the practical and working our way to the heart of emotional recovery.
7. Navigating single parenthood and practical life changes
After leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, the logistics of life can feel overwhelming, especially for those with children. Anne Blythe, M.Ed., shared that managing single motherhood with young kids while processing trauma is a feat that deserves applause. As Anne Blythe relates, “Knowing even if you’re making progress, be gentle with yourself. Because women, at least in my situation, have all kinds of problems. We have financial problems. What will we do for work?” The routine of daily life—work, child care, money—may seem like a mountain to climb, particularly when you’re healing emotionally as well.
6. Reclaiming physical health and daily routines
It’s not uncommon for survivors to disconnect from the activities and patterns that previously were pleasures. Anne Blythe explained how she discontinued skiing, mountain biking, and rowing after she married her abuser, only to find these pleasures again as part of recovery. Returning to physical well-being—through exercise, leisure activity, or just getting out—is an empowering way to return to yourself. It’s not about fitness; it’s about regaining control over your body and your time.
5. Facing emotional struggles and allowing yourself to feel
The emotional aftermath can be intense. Many survivors, like Anne Blythe, experience periods of deep sadness, anxiety, or depression. She recounted crying daily after stopping antidepressants and emotional eating, finally allowing herself to feel the pain she’d been avoiding.
As reported by Anne Blythe, “I just need to feel these feelings that I was not ready to feel years ago because it was too much. It would have killed me if I had to feel everything simultaneously.” Permitting yourself to feel—without judgment or forcing the process—is an essential aspect of healing.
4. Coping with flashbacks and triggers
Flashbacks are a normal and frequently upsetting aspect of recovery. Survivors can find themselves surprisingly reliving arguments, manipulations, or moments of fear based on mundane sights, sounds, or locations. One survivor explained redirecting these flashbacks as safety cues, reminders of what not to tolerate in subsequent relationships. Learning to accept and understand these triggers can cause them to dissipate over time, allowing new, healthier experiences to move in.
3. Rebuilding self-esteem and identity
Emotional abuse erodes self-esteem, frequently having survivors doubt their worth and capabilities. Rebuilding self-esteem takes time and may encompass anything from journaling about your experiences to therapy or support groups. Survivors can have a hard time with the abuser’s voice stuck in their head, blaming them for the abuse or calling them “overly sensitive” or “needy.”
Our Wave says that, “Survivors can be left in a state of cognitive dissonance, struggling to conceptualize the possibility of a life without the perpetrator. This isolation can lead to feelings of lost identity, waning relationships with friends and family, and a significant reduction in self-esteem.” Taking back your identity is about recovering what you need and want in relationships—and not internalizing the abuser’s script.
2. Learning how to trust and build new relationships
Following emotional abuse, trusting someone again may seem frightening. Survivors may worry about being rejected, becoming intimate too quickly, or falling into patterns that happened before. However, this fear can serve as a strength. The healing that occurs builds resilience within you so that you are able to identify red flags and be choosy about the people you let in your life. Developing a healthy relationship following trauma involves open communication, patience, and support from both parties. It’s a new phase of healing where vulnerability is frightening yet empowering.
1. Re-learning boundaries and emotional safety
Oftentimes, the most basic challenge is learning to set and respect boundaries. Emotional safety has to be priority number one, particularly when working with former abusers or co-parenting. Anne Blythe cautions that both traditional therapy models may at times endanger survivors by keeping them in touch with abusers who are emotionally unsafe. From Anne Blythe, “Many people, lawyers, court people, clergy, and therapists, don’t have safety as the number one priority. That has to be the number one priority when any form of emotional or psychological abuse is being dealt with.” Redefining boundaries is about recognizing when to go ‘no contact,’ when to get outside help, and how to prioritize your emotional safety above everything.
Recovery from emotional abuse is not a linear process. It’s a progression through practical difficulties, emotional turmoil, and the gradual establishment of trust and self-respect. Each phase is difficult, but each step forward proves your resilience and strength.