Toxic parents tend to leave lasting prints, affecting how we think, feel, and behave around others, even years after childhood. If at any point you’ve gotten yourself entangled in cyclical behaviors in your relationships, self-worth, or boundaries, chances are those patterns didn’t just come out of nowhere. Below are 10 of the most hurtful consequences of toxic parenting—counting from 10 to 1—and some advice on how you can begin to heal.
10. Trouble with Emotional Expression
Children who grew up in chaotic households often learned early on to repress the message that it wasn’t safe to feel and express emotions. If tears or anger were censored or disparaged, you may have a hard time today identifying how you feel, never mind articulating it. This cutoff from emotion can cause you to disconnect from yourself and lead to more complex communication in your adult relationships.
9. People-Pleasing
Most children of toxic parents become adept at avoiding disputes by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. Although it may have kept the peace during childhood, people-pleasing as an adult will only serve to mean that you’re denying your own wants and boundaries. If continued long enough, this can leave you drained, resentful, and uncertain of what you even want.
8. Fear of Abandonment
When love and attention from a parent came inconsistently—sometimes warm, sometimes cold—it creates deep anxiety around rejection. As adults, this can look like clinging to relationships or constantly worrying that others will leave. Living in this constant fear makes it difficult to trust and fully relax with the people closest to you.
7. Codependency
If your self-worth was tied up in pleasing a parent, you may now feel that your self-worth is tied up in taking care of others. This can lead to codependent patterns, where your self-worth rises and falls on the validation of someone else. Freedom from this is learning to choose yourself as valuable, no matter what others think.
6. Weak or Nonexistent Boundaries
Toxic parents crossed boundaries themselves, either by invading privacy, disrespecting autonomy, or failing to respect limits. If that was your experience, establishing boundaries in adulthood will feel uncomfortable or even impossible. Without them, it’s simple to feel taken advantage of or resentful in relationships. Healthy boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re a matter of self-respect.
5. Low Self-Esteem
Decades of belittling, comparing, or criticizing erode self-esteem. Growing up under such an environment can leave you with that voice inside your head reminding you that you’re not good enough. This could be expressed as perfectionism, fear of going for your dreams, or never really enjoying your successes. Healing requires learning to see your worth independent of those messages.
4. Insecure Attachment
If your parent was inconsistent or emotionally unavailable, you may have an insecure attachment style. It will lead you to have a hard time fully trusting people, believing you don’t deserve love, or feeling comfortable in intimate relationships. The first step to creating healthier relationships from trust and solid foundations is to recognize this pattern.
3. Emotional Invalidation and Harsh Words
Being told that your feelings were “wrong,” “too much,” or “don’t matter” can leave a permanent scar. Add verbal hostility, put-downs, or snide comments, and the impact is even more profound. Gradually, children in such households learn to silence themselves, disbelieve their own feelings, and hide themselves to stay safe.
2. Becoming Your Own Harshest Critic
If a parent’s voice is always critical, you can be sure that it becomes an internal voice you carry with you into adulthood. Most toxic parent children grow into adults who nitpick everything they do, set themselves up to unreasonable expectations, and worry they’ll never measure up. This internal critic can be exhausting, leading to burnout and self-doubt.
1. Healing and Moving Forward
The first part of overcoming is acknowledging what happened and how it impacted you. Recovery may involve setting healthy boundaries, not seeing someone when that is in everyone’s best interest, or seeing a professional to work through old wounds. Counseling can provide a healthy space in which to work through unhelpful patterns, while self-care activities like journaling, self-care, and spending time with supportive people help restore self-worth.
It’s also important to remember that you can’t repair your parents, but you can repair the way you take care of yourself now. Healing is not about removing the past; it’s about gaining healthier ways of being in the moment. Each boundary you set, each instance of self-love, and each move toward clarity with yourself is a move toward freedom and a healthier, more empowered tomorrow.