Loneliness may be a silent struggle, particularly if the individual is attempting to cover it up. For some women, the cues may not always be apparent, and even their actions may be coping mechanisms and not pleas for assistance. The following are ten typical ways loneliness may present itself when it is not expressed.
10. Steer Clear of Intimate Emotional Connections
Though loneliness usually results from a craving for deep relationships, other women hold others off at arm’s length and do not practice genuine emotional intimacy. They may have large groups of acquaintances and be kept busy by superficial interactions, but refuse to let their guard down and discuss their honest feelings. As Dr. Michele Goldman explains, these superficial relationships cannot fill the void that true vulnerability can. Worrying about rejection or hurt feelings can make light conversation the easier choice and keep one from getting too involved.
9. Comfort with Pets Rather Than People
For others, pets are a steady supply of unconditional love and comfort that is safer than human relationships. Women often spend time helping animals, working in shelters, or treating their pets as family members. Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa describes how the companionship of pets is healthy, though overdoing it can sometimes simply be symptomatic of an underlying lack of feeling connected to people.
8. Being Constantly Available to Others
One of the less obvious and most common indicators of loneliness is having a habit of saying “yes” to each invitation and request, usually at the cost of individual needs. People-pleasing constantly has the purpose of trying to gain approval and avoid rejection. Dr. Emily Guarnotta states that doing this at the expense of one’s well-being can result in burnout, and ironically, boost feelings of loneliness when such an effort is not reciprocated.
7. Avoiding Fiction and Fantasy
Getting lost in books, films, or daydreams can be a soothing escape from feeling alone. A few women discover companionship and excitement in the fantasy worlds where their actual lives may fall short. Yet, when this is done as a regular avoidance tactic instead of an intermittent pleasure, it can be an indication that deeper conflict is avoided by not confronting loneliness head-on.
6. Withholding Personal Struggles
Revealing struggles takes courage and trust, which can be overwhelming for women grappling with isolation. They might dismiss heavy subjects, steer conversations in another direction, or talk about others rather than themselves. According to Dr. Jan Miller, inner self-criticism usually makes them believe that their emotions don’t make sense, making it more difficult for them to share and strengthening their feelings of isolation.
5. Staying Continuously Busy
On the surface, a full calendar may appear productive, but in some cases, busyness is merely a distraction from painful emotions. Dr. Gayle MacBride warns that packing every second with things to do doesn’t necessarily mean meaningful connections or a sense of emotional release. Rather, it might keep one from serious thinking and honest bonding, so the loneliness reappears when the distractions disappear.
4. Using Shopping as an Emotional Escape
Shopping therapy can temporarily lift a person’s mood, but if shopping is often relied upon to cover up an emotional lack, it becomes an issue. Some women use purchasing items they don’t need as a way to calm feelings of emptiness. While it may give a temporary feeling of relief, it usually ends in regret or anxiety that only serves to further their isolation.
3. Difficulty Sleeping
Sleep and loneliness tend to go together. The silence of the night can enhance feelings of isolation, which makes it difficult to fall or remain asleep. Dr. MacBride says that the lack of a soothing presence can make sleep elusive, and insomnia could be a silent indicator of emotional distress related to loneliness.
2. Spending too much time online
A busy social media life or online presence may appear to be a connection, but it can be a facade for isolation. Disconnected women will spend hours scrolling, posting, or engaging online to be noticed. Dr. MacBride points out that online worlds do bring short-term comfort, but they seldom substitute the richness and warmth of face-to-face relationships, often making people feel even more disconnected.
1. Overdoing Independence
One of the most subtle indicators of secret loneliness is an over-the-top independence. Most women have a tough exterior of self-reliance, not accepting help or assistance, even when they require it. Dr. Guarnotta characterizes this as a shield against weakness and the possibility of disappointment. Being independent is attractive, but to an extreme, it can exclude others and reinforce isolation, establishing a pattern of loneliness difficult to escape.
Loneliness is not always easy to identify, particularly when concealed behind strength or distraction. Identifying these patterns with empathy can create an opening into greater connection and healing, both for individuals feeling lonely and for the people in their lives.