Rethinking Relationship Expectations: Why Modern Love Feels So Challenging
It’s like walking the tightrope to be in love today. So many of us are bringing unrealistic expectations into our relationships, without even knowing it. In the past, folks were relying on entire communities for support.
Today, we tend to expect one person—our partner—to fulfill all roles: best friend, therapist, adventure buddy, financial partner, and even our sense of purpose. That’s a lot to load onto one relationship. And when we attempt to be all things to another person as well, it starts to feel like we’re losing ourselves in the bargain.
The Myth of the Perfect Partner and the Reality of “Good Enough”
We’re bombarded with the notion that there’s one perfect person out there who will fulfill all our requirements. It appears on film, on social media, and even in wedding vows that vow such things as eternal passion and unwavering understanding, often all at once.
The reality, though, is that even good relationships have their bad times. Desiring respect, loyalty, and kindness is completely reasonable. But expecting one human being to fulfill every need, every time? That’s a recipe for frustration.
Research has discovered that individuals with high—but-realistic—expectations regarding how they should be treated in relationships are happier in relationships. Perfection isn’t the key—it’s how couples navigate the tough stuff. Most problems don’t magically go away. The key is to learn to navigate through them together and provide space for healing when things don’t go well.
The Power of Self-Love and Individual Needs in Relationships
One of the greatest love lessons is this: how you love yourself determines how you’ll love all the people in your life. How you care for yourself and live with purpose shifts how you’re present for others. You begin to see that you’re not a secondary character in another’s story—you’re the protagonist of your own. That realization can be potent. It tells you to make decisions based on who you are, rather than waiting for someone else to do the legwork.
Embracing Neurodiversity and Non-Traditional Relationship Models
Not everyone will fit within the traditional relationship model, and that is alright. For instance, many autistic adults discover that non-traditional relationship models, such as living separately from a partner, selecting intense platonic relationships, or investigating polyamory, in fact suit their needs better. These arrangements can be more natural and satisfying than what society dictates is “normal.”
Navigating the right way may require time and exploration, but allowing yourself to do what feels right—instead of what looks right—can lead to much greater satisfaction.
Communication: Discovering What Works for You and Your Partner
There is no one-size-fits-all rulebook for good communication. What works for some couples may feel entirely wrong for others. Much of the advice available presumes that everybody interacts the same, but that just isn’t so, particularly for neurodiverse individuals.
Some couples prefer strict procedures for difficult discussions, or taking turns to stop and come back to it later. Others may use non-verbal or written communication. The point is ensuring each individual feels safe and heard, even if your way of communicating doesn’t resemble anybody else’s.
Creating a Support Network Outside of Your Relationship
Relying on your partner to fulfill every single need can be a heavy burden on both of you. Individuals with close friendships and strong community connections tend to feel more anchored in their relationships.
It’s good to go to various individuals for various kinds of support—whether that’s a friend who always has something to say, a brother or sister who brings out the funny, or a colleague who has been there for you. When your emotional support structure is diversified, it allows your relationship space to breathe and develop.
Contemporary love may be confusing, but it does not have to be draining. By releasing the unrealistic expectations, remaining authentic, and creating a life full of rich connections—both within and beyond your relationship—you can establish love that is earthy, adaptable, and deeply satisfying.