Why Breakups Are So Difficult
Regardless of how necessary it may seem, breaking up is never easy. Even if you know it’s the appropriate action, breaking up with someone can stir up a mix of feelings—sadness, guilt, anger, confusion, and sometimes relief. It’s natural to ask yourself, “Did I make the right decision?
” or “Should I give this another chance?
” What’s so difficult about breakups is not the loss of them—personally—but the history you’re sharing, the routines you’ve built, and the unknown of what life is like without them. Top Reasons Breakups Occur: Relationships may dissolve due to a multitude of reasons. Occasionally, individuals just grow apart—they begin desiring other things, or they no longer share the same values and objectives. Other times, feelings shift, or practical changes like moving away or starting a new job make it hard to stay together.
You might come to realize that you’re just not happy anymore, or that you’ve both changed in ways that no longer feel compatible.
Whether it’s a romantic partner or a close friendship, these changes are a natural (if painful) part of life. The Best Ways to Break Up Respectfully. There isn’t a right way to break up, but there are ways of doing it respectfully and kindly. If you can do it safely, then in person is best. Have the conversation in a quiet, private place where you can speak freely without interruptions. If you need to break up for safety reasons, then have it in a public, quiet place. It can assist in preparing ahead of time what you need to say—think about the way you feel, as opposed to how they were wrong. Be clear and honest, but kind. Don’t blame or enumerate their transgressions.
- Make it as simple and kind as you are able to, and allow them time and space to adjust afterwards.
- If you do require help, discuss it with a friend in advance—but ensure your partner has to listen to it from you directly.
- Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster: The Five Phases of Breakup Grief
- Following a split, your feelings will swing rapidly from one second to the next. There is no standard time frame, and everyone doesn’t go through things similarly, but a lot of people go through some form of these emotional phases:
Sadness
That initial sorrow can be all-encompassing. You think, “I blew it,” or “I’ll never love anyone else.” You may feel a sense of loss even though you ended it yourself. It’s acceptable to feel brokenhearted—don’t try to get through it quickly.
Anger
Ultimately, grief can dissolve into frustration or anger. You may find yourself angry with your ex, with the situation, or even with yourself. That’s your head attempting to defend you against hurt, but watch where you channel that energy—it’s simple to become mired in it.
Moments of Relief or Peace
You’ll begin to get small glimpses where you’re feeling alright, like a breath of fresh air. It may take you by surprise, but these are indicators that you’re healing, though at first, they may not last long.
Longing and Doubt
It’s completely normal to miss your ex. You may question whether the breakup was a mistake or play past thoughts over in your mind. This does not indicate that you need to get back together—it’s simply evidence that you’re human.
Fear
The unknowns that come after a breakup can be intimidating. Thoughts like “Will I ever love again?” or “Is it too late for me to start anew?” creep in. These are normal fears, but they’re not realities. Give yourself time, you’re not behind.
Acceptance
Eventually, the pain dissipates. You begin to come to terms with what occurred, and gradually you feel prepared to move on. You find that you’ve become stronger, even though it didn’t occur as you’d envisioned. Setting Boundaries and Taking Care of Yourself Following a Breakup. Perhaps the most crucial thing you can do following a break-up is make some space for healing. That may mean blocking your ex for some time, or indefinitely. Whether or not you wish to remain friends down the line, your happiness is paramount. Communicate with your ex (and any shared friends) about what you require. Perhaps that’s no texting, no phoning, or steering clear of shared activities for a time. It’s alright to prioritize yourself.
Be around people who actually care about you, and if you are truly having a hard time, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist to get through it. Handling Shared Friends and Social Circles. It’s uncomfortable when you and your ex have the same friends. Do your best to let your friends know that you do not want them caught in the middle. If at all possible, get along with your ex for the sake of keeping things polite and refraining from complaining about one another to their respective friends. You may have to step away from some group chats or social gatherings at first.
And that’s okay—friendships can evolve, but the worthwhile ones tend to find a way to evolve in time. Healthy Coping Strategies for Moving Forward. Healing is a process that requires time, but there are many healthy means of coping in the meantime. Writing in a journal, physical exercise, spending time outdoors, or trying a new artistic endeavor can all assist in working through emotions. Talk to someone you trust—it might be a friend, a brother or sister, a mentor, or a therapist. Think about what the relationship taught you about you and what you’re looking for in the future. Breakups are painful, but they can also lead to something greater, within you, and in the next relationship. Breakups may be ending this chapter, but that merely means the next one is just around the corner.