1. Learning About Emotional Withdrawal and Its Origins
Emotional withdrawal is not merely about requiring space—frequently, there is something more, particularly for women with ADHD. Girls as young as elementary school age are often taught to retreat as a coping mechanism.
It may begin in response to feeling excluded, bullied, or simply different from others around them. Rather than seeking help, they learn to shut down, anticipating rejection before it occurs. With time, this becomes a habitual reaction, spilling over into adulthood and making it difficult to remain emotionally available even with individuals that they love.
Rejection sensitivity—a.k.a. rejection sensitive dysphoria—may cause even offhand, superficial remarks to feel personally antagonistic. That kind of emotional overwhelm may result in a combination of guilt, shame, and anger, driving a person to withdraw just to safeguard themselves. Studies indicate that teenage girls with ADHD tend to have more self-esteem and emotional difficulties, and those tendencies don’t just disappear as adults. In reality, they can devastate adult relationships and even set up the possibility of things like divorce in the future when ADHD is involved.
2. The Hidden Cost of Losing Friendships
Suffering the loss of a close friendship can be just as heart-wrenching as a breakup, particularly through major life transitions. Maybe it’s a move to a new city, a career change, or simply growing apart in other ways. Whatever it is, those transitions can silently dissolve the relationships you once depended on. And when that occurs, it can leave you feeling isolated, nervous, and uncertain of your status.
As counselor Shontel Cargill explains, losing your friends in your twenties and onwards is normal, although that doesn’t make it simple. It makes you feel sad, uncertain about yourself, or even bereaved. You suddenly realize that you are living alone without the people who once saw you at both your best and worst. Relying solely on one individual, such as a partner, for all your emotional support feels crushing and lonely. And if you’ve ever experienced feeling like you don’t quite belong due to cultural differences or personal issues, that feeling of being an outsider can come at you all the harder.
3. When Supporting a Partner Becomes Overwhelming
Caring for someone who’s struggling with depression or some other mental health issue is a huge act of love—but it can be draining, too. It’s simple to fall into caretaker mode, sacrificing your own needs to help them cope. But eventually, that leaves you drained and confused about what’s assisting and what’s damaging.
You may catch yourself wondering, “Am I codependent, or am I just exhausted?” That’s understandable. Caring for someone with chronic mental illness is wearying, and it’s normal to acknowledge that you need a break. You don’t have to do it alone—therapy can work for you, too. Sometimes, working through things with a professional can provide you with the room to sort things out, establish some boundaries, and learn what a healthy equilibrium feels like.
Also, it’s always a good idea to check in on your partner’s treatment plan. If medication alone isn’t working, other alternatives such as therapy, changes to the lifestyle, or other medications may be effective. Encouraging your partner to play an active role in their care can bring about a sense of collective responsibility and hope.
4. Steps Toward Healing and Reconnection
Healing begins with paying attention to what’s occurring inside of you. If you find yourself withdrawing or shutting down, attempt to label it—even if only in your head. That recognition can be an incredibly empowering first step. And if withdrawal has been your default for years, sharing that pattern with someone you feel safe with can close the gap. Sharing with your partner what’s occurring, without blame, opens the door to empathy and connection.
Together, you can figure out what helps you feel more grounded—maybe it’s reassurance, a hug, or just having someone listen without jumping in to fix things. Therapy options like CBT or DBT can also help reframe negative thoughts and offer new ways to cope when things feel overwhelming.
If you’re mourning the loss of intimate friendships, know that it’s okay to hurt that much. Try to reach out, even in tiny ways—it might be a note, a phone call, or getting involved in a new community. And if you’re caring for a loved one with mental health issues, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Caregiver support groups can bring you relief and tell you that you’re not in this by yourself.
Whatever your experience with emotional withdrawal, changes in friendship, or the intricacies of standing by a partner, you can heal. It may not be easy or speedy, but you are worth connection, peace, and support in the process. You don’t have to do it alone.