How we form friendships in the workplace has shifted—big time. For many of us, those days of impromptu coffee breaks and fleeting hallway encounters are behind us now. Today, it’s all about video calls and Slack messages. If you began anew job and never got to set foot in an office or exchange a hello with your colleagues in person, you’re certainly not alone. With working from home being the new normal, forging genuine connections with coworkers can be more of a matter of piecing together a puzzle than something that naturally occurs.
Beth Schinoff, a Boston College professor who researches workplace relationships, said that the virtual tools we rely on—Zoom, Slack, email—just aren’t adequate when it comes to forming new friendships. The social aspect of work, she said, has really suffered in the transition to remote.
And the studies confirm it: a Pew Research Center survey reported that much of the new remote workforce reports feeling more disconnected from their colleagues. Sure, some veteran remote workers have got it down, but many people do still miss the in-person interaction that makes working relationships feel tangible.
So why is it so difficult? Well, when you’re telecommuting, those brief, spontaneous moments that tend to turn into friendships just don’t occur. You can’t drop by someone’s workspace or bump into them in the break room. Now everything is pre-scheduled, and that organic rhythm of relating to others—what researchers refer to as “relational cadence”—is more difficult to establish.
Folks are working varying shifts, residing in different locations, and spending the majority of their day staring at a screen. It’s hard to know when the person is there, and even harder to establish the trust that friendships are based on.
It’s interesting how the nature of working remotely affects who you befriend. In an office, you might be friends with someone because you just get along, even if their style of working isn’t your cup of tea. But on the internet, it tends to begin with the work first. Because that’s why you’re communicating, things like competence and reliability are more important initially. Once you have that working relationship established, you begin to learn about the person behind the screen.
So, how do you befriend someone in this new type of workplace? It requires effort.Whatnaturally happened before now requires some effort. That could mean scheduling virtual coffee breaks, participating in a random team game online, or sharing small pieces of your life in a Slack group. Those small things—a well-timed GIF, a photo of your dog, a funny story from your weekend—can help build a connection. You can’t just wait for friendships to happen anymore. You have to reach out.
That said, it’s not all on you. Managers and team leads have a big role to play in creating space for connection. La’Kita Williams, CoCreate Work founder, states that corporate culture needs to leave space for friendships to blossom. If every meeting is business-only, there’s no actual space for individuals to relate to each other humanely. When managers allow informal talk or arrange time for team building, it becomes more convenient for people to bond beyond work.
Well, not every try will come naturally. Some folks like Zoom happy hours, others would prefer not to. That’s why leaders need to hear them out and provide connection opportunities that are effective for the team. There are even new technology tools being created to assist with making virtual parties feel less rigid and more playful. But as Schinoff indicates, there’s something about sharing a space that simply can’t be substituted. Until technology advances, blending virtual and in-person time may be the most practical approach.
Despite all the obstacles, it is all worth it. Studies reveal that real relationships in the workplace make us happier, more productive, and more committed. Friendships don’t simply add some fun to the day—they can add some meaning to the entire work life. In a world where people need to work harder to connect, such moments of true friendship are more precious than ever.