Empathy is the special sauce that maintains relationships warm, secure, and bonded. Without it, things can get icy in a hurry. If you’ve ever gotten the feeling your partner, friend, or family member just doesn’t “get” you—or worse, doesn’t seem to care—then you may be working with someone who has a bad case of empathy deficiency. Let’s explore the signs that empathy is in short supply and what that could mean for your relationship.
1. Self-Centeredness and Indifference
People who lack empathy often see the world through a “me first” lens. Your feelings, needs, and experiences barely register unless they directly affect them. Whether you’re going through something hard or celebrating a big win, they often respond with indifference—or manage to turn the moment back to themselves.
2. Monopolizing Conversations and Poor Listening
Conversing with someone who lacks empathy is like conversing with a brick wall. They will hog the conversation, hardly ever inquire about your life, and have little interest in what gets you going. When you do manage to get a word in, don’t expect much support, particularly if what you have to say may make them insecure or jealous.
3. Disregard for Boundaries and Refusal to Compromise
For a person with low empathy, your boundaries are invisible to them. They will push through your limits, disregard your comfort zones, and assume things must work in their favor. Compromise? That’s not necessarily on their agenda. And regardless of how you speak out, they quite simply won’t listen.
4. Lack of Responsibility, Regret, and Genuine Apology
When they hurt you, don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology. They may dismiss your emotions or accuse you of being oversensitive. And if you do receive one, it will possibly be hollow—like they’re apologizing only to maintain harmony or gain an advantage, not to right the wrong.
5. Social Cluelessness and Inappropriate Behavior
Certain individuals lacking empathy simply don’t get social cues. They may make some flippant remark entirely out of place or opt to mention their requirements at the most inopportune moment. Even where they have learned to replicate courteous behavior, it feels forced or insensitive due to the fact that it’s based on a lack of genuine empathy.
6. Impatience and Harsh Criticism
Want comfort or understanding? You may be disappointed. Those with low empathy are very impatient with emotional discussions. They simply dismiss your feelings, criticize rather than encourage, and want you to respond to their needs with little concern for yours.
7. Limited Forgiveness and Holding Grudges
It’s not easy for them to let go. They tend to hang onto resentment and don’t forgive, regardless of whether it’s your fault or theirs. Although they may be as self-critical as you are on the inside, they don’t often allow you to see that more vulnerable side.
8. Taking Without Giving and Entitlement
It’s oftentimes a one-way street. They’ll take your time, energy, and support without giving much back in return—unless there’s something in it for them. That perception of entitlement can make you feel drained and unappreciated.
9. Victim-Blaming and Emotional Dysregulation
When things go wrong, they’re quick to blame. Rather than own up to their actions, they’ll blame you or someone else, even if they’re the culprit. They also have problems with their own emotions, and instead of working through those feelings, they tend to project them onto others or attempt to control those around them.
10. What You Can Do: Practical Tips for Coping
If you’re seeing these signs in someone close to you, remember—it’s not your job to fix them.