Sexual fantasies are natural—everyone has them. Whether they’re fun, sweet, crazy, or simply fantasy, these inner thoughts can provide more than a flash of excitement. They can lead to greater intimacy, improved communication, and a more satisfying relationship. What’s needed is learning to discuss them, investigate them, and revel in the closeness they bring without pressure or criticism. If you’re curious about bringing fantasies into your relationship, here are 10 ways to do it with confidence and care, starting with the boldest steps and working down to the foundational essentials.
10. Grow and Learn Together
Playing around with fantasies is more than experimenting with something new—it’s learning about your and your partner’s desires, both of you. Read books, go to workshops, or get online certifications in sexuality and relationships. Couples therapist Dr. Juliana Hauser suggests getting more in-depth, more integrated sex education to build connection and inspire curiosity. Do it like any other type of self-help—something both of you invest in, not because something’s wrong, but because you want more from your connection.
9. Use Your Imagination Freely
Fantasies don’t have to be acted out to be valid or exciting. Sometimes, just talking about them can bring a new level of intimacy. Share the ones that pop into your mind, whether they’re things you’d genuinely want to try or just fun to imagine. Research suggests it’s normal to fantasize without having any intention to turn those thoughts into reality. When you do share, inform your partner whether it’s just a mind turn-on or something you’re interested in playing with—that way, there’s no pressure, but openness.
8. Break Out of Routine
Sexual ruts affect all of us. To keep it new, just do something different—try a different time of day, a different place, or vary the tempo and attitude. Variety reprograms your brain to connect intimacy and excitement, says Dr. Hauser. Even minor adjustments can stimulate novelty and play.
7. Build Anticipation on Purpose
Intimacy planning doesn’t murder the mood—it makes it. Scheduling dedicated time to connect can turn up the heat. Whether it’s exchanging playful texts during the day or planning a surprise night out, building anticipation can be as much fun as the experience itself. Dr. Hauser urges couples to play flirtatious and teasing games with each other throughout the day to keep passions simmering.
6. Play with Roleplay
Roleplaying a new character or situation can be extremely freeing and enjoyable. Roleplay allows you both to discover aspects of yourself and each other that you might not normally access. Whether it’s a lighthearted power role, a flirtatious persona, or an all-out costume, roleplay can bring excitement and enhance trust. Just be sure to discuss afterwards what was working, what wasn’t, and what you might want to try next time.
5. Play with Toys
Sex toys are not necessarily about novelty—they’re about exploring more and enjoying more. From basic vibrators to more exploratory equipment, incorporating toys into play can be a means of discovering new things and expanding your experience. Begin by learning about toys that intrigue you both, and don’t forget to keep the experience light and about discovery. Lubrication, communication, and consent are your three best friends in this case.
4. Stay Emotionally Connected Outside the Bedroom
A good sex life is founded on a solid emotional bond. Schedule time doing activities that make you two closer in non-sexual ways—shared interests, quality conversations, or simply spending device-free time together. When you feel safe, seen, and valued outside the bedroom, it is also easier to open up in there.
3. Make a Sexy To-Try List
Turn your fantasies into something tangible by sitting down together and creating a list of sexual experiences you’d like to explore. These can range from simple ideas to more adventurous ones. Be honest about your turn-ons, your limits, and your “maybe later” items. The point isn’t to check every box—it’s to have fun planning and dreaming together.
2. Focus on Sensory Connection
Sexuality is not only bodily—it’s sensory and emotional. Find ways to experience your senses as a couple. Feed one another candies, practice massage with aromatic oils, use candles, or create a soundtrack that’s sensual. Taking things slowly and being present for the minute sensations can be a more rewarding experience for both of you.
1. Prioritize Safety and Trust
None of the above matters if you’re not grounded in mutual trust and safety. Before trying something new, talk openly about what excites you, what concerns you, and where your boundaries are. Establish clear consent, and remember that consent is ongoing and changeable. As sex therapist Aliyah Moore points out, especially with power-play or role-play, having safewords and aftercare conversations helps everyone feel secure and respected.
At the center of fantasy exploration lies connection, not sexual, but emotional. With open communication, patience, and wonder, you can transform your secret thoughts into possibilities for deeper intimacy and pleasure. There is no “right” way to explore, and no fantasy too ridiculous or too daring to be discussed with a trusted partner. When explored with care and play, fantasies can be a part of shared adventure, not something to conceal, but something to be honored.