Before you tie the knot, take a moment to ask yourself: “Is my partner truly in this for the long term?” Love is important, but it’s not the sole formula for a successful marriage. Catching the warning signs early may spare you future emotional distress—and point you toward a healthier, happier future. Let’s examine 10 key indicators that your partner may not be marriage material.
10. You’re Not on the Same Page About Life Goals
Big-picture discrepancies—such as differing on whether to have children, where to reside, or even career goals—can sneakily become ticking time bombs. Even when things seem wonderful now, conflicting dreams for the future tend to result in resentments. As CherryPie from the UK summed it up, waiting around with the expectation that someone will change his/her mind about something so massive hardly ever turns out happy. Be honest with yourself about what is truly important.
9. They Don’t Seem Fully Invested in the Relationship
When the other person is cold on the idea of committing or isn’t enthusiastic about creating a life with you, pay attention. Lexiv put it perfectly: if they aren’t excited to be around you, it’s a warning sign. Don’t squander your time getting someone else to desire you—sincere commitment involves no second-guessing or hesitation.
8. Communication Feels Shallow or One-Sided
Healthy relationships are based on mutual understanding and honest discussion. If the partner shies away from difficult conversations, shuts out your feelings, or is not sympathetic, it might be a sign of something more. Laura in Texas highlighted how non-empathy—even towards strangers or animals—can be an indicator of how they will deal with issues in marriage.
7. A Pattern of Cheating or Lying
We all mess up, but repeated cheating or lying is a habit, not a one-time mistake. If they’ve cheated in the past, expecting them to change for you is taking a chance. As someone so aptly put it, you’re not the exception to their past—don’t overlook the past when planning your future.
6. They Avoid Responsibility By ‘Helplessness’
Ever notice how some people magically “can’t” do things like laundry or budgeting until someone else steps in? That’s called weaponized incompetence. One BuzzFeed user called it “diabolical”—and they’re right. In a true partnership, both people contribute equally. If you’re already carrying most of the load, it’s only going to get heavier over time.
5. They Struggle With Self-Control or Maturity
Or perhaps it’s spending money they don’t have, not attending to work duties, or shying away from adult choices. This kind of lack of discipline can impact your future together. Depending on mom and dad for essentials or playing video games all day while life goes by are indications that maybe they aren’t ready to create something secure with you.
4. They Disrespect Themselves—or Others
How your partner treats people around them—and themselves—can reveal a lot. If they insult others, belittle your feelings, or even laugh at your pain, it’s more than just “bad behavior.” One contributor recalled an ex mocking their vulnerability, a moment that stuck with them for years. These aren’t quirks—they’re signs of emotional immaturity or even cruelty.
3. They Can’t Open Up Emotionally
A solid marriage requires emotional substance. If your partner checks out when things get honest and refuses to have conversations about their emotions, it could indicate they’re not yet open to authentic intimacy. A blanket “I love you” isn’t sufficient if it’s not supported by vulnerability and raw connection.
2. Friends Always Come First
It’s wonderful when a person has a social life, but if they consistently prioritize friends over you, particularly in situations that count, it indicates where their priorities are. Like one Texan explained, broken commitments and incessant preoccupation are not going to go away after marriage. They only worsen.
1. They Dismiss Your Needs and Cross Your Boundaries
The biggest red flag? When someone is always dismissing your emotions, crossing your boundaries, or dismissing your aspirations as irrelevant. That ain’t love—love is control or abandonment. Your actual partner will respect your development and embrace your voice, not dismantle it.
Love can be blind, but vision is liberating. If you see some of these signs, don’t freak out—but don’t pretend not to see them either. A long-term relationship should feel like equal work, respect, and vision. You deserve someone willing to meet you halfway, not someone who has to be persuaded to do so.