Let’s get real—love can make us overlook things we’d otherwise catch. When you’re swept up in the thrill of a new relationship, it’s simple to overlook warning signs that might cause heartbreak—or worse—later on. But learning how to catch red flags in the early stages can save you so much pain and allow you to create a relationship that feels good and safe. Here are 12 of the most risky red flags in relationships, beginning with the more subliminal ones and moving down through to the ones you absolutely cannot overlook.
12. They don’t have self-control
If your partner has trouble controlling their impulses—be it with money, food, anger, or other vices—that’s a sign that they may not be ready for the emotional highs and lows of a true relationship. Such a lack of discipline tends to overflow into other things, so life together would become chaotic and unpredictable.
11. They treat others badly
Be very observant about how your partner treats others who cannot give them anything in return—such as service staff, strangers, or even their relatives. If they’re impolite, condescending, or take pleasure in humiliating others, then it’s only a matter of time before it reflects in the way they treat you as well.
10. They don’t take your feelings seriously
Empathy is what allows others to truly connect. If your partner finds your pain funny or dismisses your problems, it reflects a lack of emotional depth and concern. One woman said her boyfriend laughed when she confided in him about harassment. That’s not only insensitive—it’s a definite indication they’re not emotionally safe for you.
9. They pretend incompetence in order not to be responsible
When someone pretends not to know how to do basic things—like laundry, budgeting, or cooking—so that you’ll just do it for them, that’s called weaponized incompetence. It’s not just lazy—it’s manipulative. If someone truly cares about you, they won’t make life harder just so they can skate by.
8. They rush the relationship
A whirlwind romance may be thrilling, but if your partner is rushing to make huge commitments already—like discussing marriage or cohabiting in a matter of weeks—it’s usually an attempt to rush intimacy before you have even had time to get to know them. Occasionally, it’s a means of inducing dependency and erasing boundaries.
7. They attempt to isolate you from friends and family
Healthy relationships bring you closer to the people who care about you. If your partner makes you feel guilty for spending time with loved ones or wants all your attention, that’s not romance—it’s control. Isolation is a common early sign of emotional abuse.
6. They twist your reality
If you always think you’re the one who’s always in the wrong, or catch yourself questioning things you know have occurred, you may be being gaslighted. It’s when someone manipulates your sense of what’s real so they can maintain control. It can harm your self-esteem and mental well-being over time.
5. They blame you for their poor behavior
If your partner lies, cheats, or yells at you and then has the nerve to blame you for it, that’s a huge red flag. Responsible people own up to their actions. When someone always changes the subject and makes you feel guilty or question yourself, it keeps you in an endless cycle of guilt trips.
4. They’re jealous or controlling
It’s easy to love your partner—it’s another thing to attempt to dominate them. If they always quiz you on who you’re with, criticize your looks, or attempt to dictate where you go and whom you speak to, that’s not love. Ongoing criticisms and jealousy erode your independence and self-confidence over time.
3. They have a history of cheating or lying
As one wise person once said, “If they’ve cheated before, don’t assume you’ll be the exception. Cheating or lying has been a habit in their history; it’s going to crop up again. You can’t rehab or reform someone who is not interested in growing.
2. They exhibit symptoms of emotional abuse or narcissism
Narcissists usually appear charming and poised in the beginning. But as time goes on, they require constant admiration, turn everything into it being about them, and make mountains out of molehills into epic wars. These rollercoaster relationships can be draining. Even without physical abuse, emotional abuse can be equally significant.
1. Your gut is telling you something is off
Most importantly, trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right—even if you can’t quite figure out why—trust that inner voice. Your instincts are in there for a reason. Whether it’s a feeling of quiet unease or a big, loud warning, don’t silence it. Your gut is trying to protect you.
Seeing red flags isn’t about searching for perfection—it’s about taking care of yourself. You have the right to feel safe, respected, and genuinely appreciated in a relationship. If any of these signs pop up, it’s best to take a step back, ask challenging questions, and prioritize your emotional well-being. You’re worth it and so much more.