Open relationships and polyamory are talked about more now—on social media, TV shows, and even among friends. It seems like more people are asking if they need to stick to just one partner forever or if there are other ways to love. But what’s it like to be in a relationship where you can date more than one person?
Here are eight real facts about these relationships that might shock you—from hard truths to the good bits you didn’t expect.
8. People will get you wrong—and judge you
If you’re in one of these relationships, you might meet people who think it’s all about sex. But like psychologist Heath Schechinger, Ph.D., says, the biggest pluses people feel are about feelings and friends—not just sex. Sadly, old thoughts and feelings of unease can make people judge you. You could end up having to explain why you chose this to friends, face tough chats with family, or deal with doctors who don’t understand. The judgment is real—and often it comes from others trying to defend their own life choices as the “right” ones.
7. Handling more than one relationship needs a lot of time and energy
Being with more than one person isn’t just about more love—it’s also about more planning. This means keeping track of dates, birthdays, handling different emotional needs, and making time for each relationship to work. A national study on polyamory pointed out that every relationship needs work to stay strong. So, while it might sound fun and free, the reality is it can be tiring if you’re already feeling stretched thin.
6. Money and living together can get complicated quickly
When it comes to money in these setups, it’s not always clear. Who should pay for dinner with a new partner? Is it fine to use money together for weekend trips with someone else? These aren’t just passing awkward moments—they need honest, sometimes hard, talks. Plus, parenting, legal choices, and day-to-day duties can be extra tricky, especially if many people share a home. Experts say that money talks can often be more open than even sex chats.
5. Jealousy doesn’t go away—it just changes
Even people fully into this way of living are not free from jealousy. Seeing your partner date or fall for someone else can bring up feelings you didn’t see coming. The idea of “compersion”—feeling happy for your partner’s happiness with another—is great but tricky to master. Experts say dealing with these feelings is like tough emotional training. It takes thinking, trust, and practice to manage the doubts that can pop up.
4. Talking is everything
If talking is key in a two-person relationship, it’s super important in these. You’ll be talking about limits, wants, feelings, and worries—a lot. And it’s not always easy. Therapist Ashera DeRosa stresses that open, honest chatting is the base of every healthy non-monogamous relationship. The upside? Most people get better at it over time. The downside? You might have to unlearn many old talking habits.
3. Your group of friends may grow—and improve
A benefit some don’t think about is having a bigger support group. With more partners comes more friends, more chosen family, and more deep connections. Schechinger’s research shows that many in these relationships often have richer social lives. Whether it’s at community stuff, group hangouts, or just closer friendships, many find a better sense of belonging and support than they thought possible.
2. You’ll likely learn more about yourself and feel freer
Against common views, this life isn’t about dodging duties or not committing. Many find it leads to more truth and self-knowledge. Having talks about limits and clearly saying what you want can be very freeing. Schechinger’s work points out how these relationships help personal freedom and push people to live more as themselves. It’s not always simple—but often leads to a stronger bond with yourself.
1. The biggest wins often aren’t about sex
Here’s the biggest twist for many: the good parts of these relationships usually aren’t about just having more partners. While it can be fun, what keeps people in non-monogamy is the deep feelings, clarity, and the sense of making something that truly fits them. Schechinger’s research found that emotional and social benefits are much bigger than just the physical ones. Many talk about deeper trust, stronger bonds, and a more satisfying version of love—one formed by truth, not musts.
Open relationships and polyamory sure aren’t for everyone. They bring their problems and aren’t a simple way out of anything. But for those who choose this path, they can bring amazing emotional depth, personal growth, and a love life based on choice—not just going with the norm.