Let’s get real—recovering from a breakup is never easy. But when the relationship was toxic, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the heartache can be ten times harder. It’s not even about missing someone—it’s about having to unlearn all the things you were led to believe about love, yourself, and your worth. If you’re stuck in the middle of it, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Here’s a look at the hardest parts of moving on after a toxic relationship, starting from the least to most difficult hurdle.
10. Still hoping they’ll come back changed
Even when we know deep down that the relationship was hurting us, a part of us might still cling to the idea that maybe, just maybe, they’ll come back a better person. That hope is difficult to extinguish, particularly if you never received the closure you deserved. It’s easy to dream up one of those versions of the story where they apologize, they grow, and everything just works out. But that hope can trap you, keeping you anchored in the past while life continues to move on around you.
9. Stuck with all the unanswered questions
Toxic relationships do not always resolve with a heart-to-heart or a clear understanding. Instead, they most often end suddenly, mysteriously, or in complete disarray. You may find yourself asking: Was it me? Did I go crazy? Was any of it ever real? And those questions can continue to haunt you, even more so if you’re trying to find answers. The issue is, occasionally, the answers just never arrive, and being able to cope with that, not knowing, is one of the most difficult aspects of recovery.
8. Remembering the good times too clearly—and the bad ones not enough
It’s crazy how the mind works. You’d expect forgetting the painful times would assist you in moving forward, but all you do is idealize the small things: how they’d made you laugh, or the way they’d held you when times were tough. Our minds tend to soften the hard edges and paint the past better than it was. But the reality is, recalling only the positives can lead you to question why you even left in the first place, even when breaking up was the correct decision.
7. Stress and anxiety that just won’t quit
Breakups are stressful enough, but abusive breakups are loaded with an additional heaping dose of anxiety. You may find yourself consistently on edge, checking your phone, overanalyzing everything, or spying on their social media posts like a hawk. That stress doesn’t exist in your head—it exists in your body. It can interfere with your sleep, your hunger, and your concentration. And it sticks around way longer than it needs to, particularly if you’re still attached to them in some way.
6. You feel like you don’t know yourself anymore
When you’re in a bad relationship for a while, it will interfere with your identity. Perhaps you began prioritizing their needs above your own all the time. Perhaps you sacrificed hobbies, friendships, or aspects of your personality to maintain peace. By the end, you won’t even recognize yourself. Reclaiming that lost identity takes time, and sorting out who you are again, independent of the relationship, can be both exhilarating and frightening.
5. Recovery from emotional abuse and its unseen wounds
Abuse does not always result in bruises. Emotional abuse will leave you with bruises that no one can see. It may sound like your ex in your head, criticizing you, even when they are not present. You may catch yourself wondering about your worth, doubting your choices, or feeling like you’ll never be “enough.” And then there’s the trauma bond—that confusing, painful attachment that can have you sticking with someone who’s harmed you. It’s desperately difficult to break it, but desperately important for healing.
4. Social media makes it almost impossible to forget them
Let’s be honest—technology makes it way too easy to continue having someone around when you’re trying to get rid of them. One random post, one throwaway like, one “hey, how have you been?” text can drag you back in. And even if you’re trying your best to move on, catching them watching your stories or appearing in your feed can derail your entire day. Sometimes the only way to proceed is a digital detox, at least temporarily.
3. Grieving the future you envisioned you’d share
A breakup isn’t the end of a relationship—it’s the loss of a dream. The wedding you envisioned, the children you may have named, the trips, the house. All of it just vanishes. That pain slices deep. It’s not about releasing an individual—it’s about releasing everything you envisioned the two of you could be. And sometimes, the pain surprises you in moments you don’t expect.
2. Faulting yourself for everything that went down
Toxic partners are masters at making you feel like you are the issue. And even when it does end, that voice remains. You may find yourself replaying fights over and over in your head, wondering what you could have done differently. Perhaps you feel ashamed for staying so long or embarrassed for ignoring the warning signs. That shame can hold you back, and it takes time—and a good deal of self-forgiveness—to end up finally laying it down and leaving it behind.
1. How to love—and trust—yourself again
This is the most difficult part, bar none. You might feel like a shadow of your former self after a toxic relationship. Learning to trust yourself, to trust your decisions without doubting, to gaze in the mirror and feel worthy—that is some healing. It takes courage. It doesn’t occur overnight. But incrementally, as you establish boundaries, respect your needs, and show up for yourself, you begin to reclaim who you are.
And sooner or later, you’ll see that you’re not broken—you’re getting whole again. If you’re having trouble letting go of a toxic breakup, know that you’re not weak—you’re human. Healing is never pretty or quick, but with every move forward, however small, you’re moving closer to freedom. Be kind to yourself, lean into the support that’s around you, and remember: the future still holds love, joy, and peace—and you deserve all of it.