Today’s relationships are very different from what they were a couple of generations back. With changing social norms, changing gender roles, and shifting expectations, most couples are opting to form partnerships based on respect, emotional vulnerability, and common goals, instead of tradition or duty.
Historically, marriage was frequently linked to outdated structures that did things differently to women, sometimes even treating them like property. Though those times might seem like history, remnants of such ancient dynamics still appear. From the ongoing assumption that the woman should change her last name, to the fact that marriage is still a marker of adulthood and success, it’s apparent that contemporary love still has baggage from its more restrictive past.
Luckily, most couples are now actively engaged in shattering and replacing those old models. The old-fashioned roles of the male breadwinner and the female caregiver are gradually being replaced by more symmetrical, customized relationships. Couples are opting to mold their relationships based on what works for them, instead of what society has always assumed.
Still, progress isn’t always as fast as we’d like. One area where change has been especially slow is in the division of household labor. Even during the pandemic—when many families found themselves home together 24/7—research from Pew shows that women continued to take on more of the domestic and caregiving responsibilities. Meanwhile, many men believed those duties were shared equally, pointing to a disconnect that’s both common and deeply ingrained.
This imbalance doesn’t remain in chores. It generally goes into finances, emotional labor, and childcare. And although both parties may desire equality, implicit expectations and habits die hard. That’s why open, consistent communication is so important.
Relationship therapists point out that healthy relationships are founded on open communication, not assumptions. It is necessary to know not only your partner’s needs, but also how to make them feel loved and appreciated. Relationship tools such as the five love languages can cause couples to narrow emotional gaps, but it takes an openness to be honest for them to be effective. Individuals aren’t mind readers, and poor communication of emotional needs creates unnecessary frustration.
Of course, the mundane stuff counts too. Even the most wonderful relationship can become mired in incompatible routines, small frustrations, or conflicting ways of communicating feelings. Frequent check-ins, flexibility, and a shared commitment to learning together can make an enormous difference. As individuals change, so do their needs and wants—so refocusing on discussions about goals, values, and expectations keeps couples in sync with each other.
It’s also not possible to discuss healthy relationships without mentioning the place of safety and support. Sadly, gender violence is still an epidemic problem, and lots of survivors—most notably women—never feel secure enough to come forward.
As the World Bank points out, when they do, they’re much more likely to turn to friends or family than official sources. This indicates a gigantic disconnect in trust and accessibility, and it underscores the call for stronger survivor-centered support systems that are empathetic, confidential, and accessible.
At its most basic, a healthy relationship is about being seen, heard, and valued. It’s about expressing gratitude for the effort the other person is putting in—be it making coffee in the morning or being present when the other is changing careers. It’s about making room for joy and for vulnerability, and about developing not just as separate individuals, but as a unit.
There’s no ideal recipe for love in today’s world. But when couples come to the relationship as a partnership—a partnership that changes and grows—they’re much more likely to succeed. Ultimately, it’s not so much about embracing traditional roles and more about creating something valuable together, founded on mutual respect, trust, and an authentic intention to foster each other’s happiness.