If you’ve ever been completely smitten with someone, only to wake up one day feeling a sudden wave of “ick” (that gut-turning sense of repulsion)—you’re not alone.
This weird but surprisingly common experience, sometimes called Sudden Repulsion Syndrome (SRS) or simply “the ick,” can make your partner’s quirks go from cute to unbearable in an instant. One minute you love them; the next, you can’t bear the way they breathe, chew, or even sit in the same space as you. So, what’s happening?
Relationship researchers and therapists have been investigating this confounding phenomenon, and although there isn’t one explanation, some patterns emerge. Here are the five most common culprits behind that instant romantic turn-off—so you can spot them (and perhaps better understand yourself).
5. Looks and Hygiene—But Not as Big a Deal as You’d Think
It may shock you, but looks aren’t the main thing that turns people off. Yes, bad hygiene or strange style may cause some unease, but most folks are more easygoing about looks than you might think. Women are often more forgiving about looks than men. They care less if the appearance is not perfect.
4. Annoying Speech and Public Embarrassment
If your partner talks in a way that grates on your nerves or constantly puts their foot in their mouth, you’re in good company. Both men and women rank things like awkward jokes or interrupting others as major ick triggers. These social slip-ups can quickly flip attraction into avoidance.
3. Fashion Missteps and Personality Quirks
Sometimes it’s the little things—such as socks with sandals, a preoccupation with astrology, or an out-of-date vocabulary—that suddenly become intolerable.
Women tend to be more attuned to fashion trends or behaviors that they consider too “feminine,” whereas men may be deterred by styles they perceive as too flashy. These little habits do not seem like much, but they can cause you to feel strongly that you just don’t mesh.
2. Need for Perfection, Self-Love, and Too High Goals
People who want everything to be perfect for themselves and others often feel the ick. Research shows that people who need things to be perfect or who love themselves a lot get turned off quickly by small flaws. It does not preclude you from being loved—it just implies that you may be less accepting of flaws than the rest.
1. Deep Compatibility Issues and Evolutionary Instincts
At other times, the ick doesn’t have anything to do with anything your partner does. It might be your subconscious sending a signal that this is not a good match. Some psychologists think this response is evolutionary, pushing us toward more suitable partners. Hormonal changes, unrealistic standards, or just being together too long can all cause it.
So, what do people do when they feel the ick? Studies show about 26% will end the tie right away, 42% will split up after a while, and only a third keep going. Most tend to talk to friends or family over their partner. Oddly, women get the ick more often than men, which some experts say is due to how they evolved and how they pick mates.
Whether you regard the ick as a useful intuition or merely a frustrating dating idiosyncrasy, instant romantic aversion is certainly a shared—and usually baffling—aspect of love.