Trust is what keeps relationships glued together, yet when it’s lost or never established, you can feel like you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. If you catch yourself questioning your partner, feeling uneasy about what they might be thinking or plotting, or unable to relax and be yourself around them, you’re not the only one. Trust problems are extremely widespread and can manifest in all types of ways—from jealousy and suspicion to emotional disconnection and self-sabotage. The good news? There are tangible actions you can take to restore trust and form healthier, happier relationships.
10. Try Again
Repairing trust is a one-time thing. If you find yourself falling back into patterns of distrust or defensiveness, don’t clobber yourself. The secret is to keep exposing yourself, even if it makes you nervous. Thriveworks says that “If you fail and resort to distrusting tendencies, try again. Trust again. Keep putting yourself out there.” Each effort is a healing process.
9. Value the Ones You Trust
It’s simple to dwell on what went wrong, but don’t overlook the individuals who’ve ever had your back. Spend time expressing appreciation for friends and family who have shown themselves to be dependable. These bonds can be a model of what wholesome trust is and keep you mindful that no one will always fail you.
8. Be Mindful in Relationships
Trust is established in the little things—how you engage with your partner, how you resolve arguments, and how you support one another. Begin paying attention to these interactions and question why someone could be worthy of your trust. Mindfulness assists you in recognizing when you’re basing something on past wounds so you can react instead of simply reacting.
7. Communicate Honestly and Often
One of the most common causes of the breakdown of relationships is poor communication. It’s a habit that you should cultivate to be forthcoming about your feelings, even though it hurts. Tell your partner about your reluctance to trust and invite them into the exchange. The advice of Tamara Green is: “Begin to have calm, authentic, and vulnerable conversations with your partner about your feelings.” Such openness can strengthen your bond and make both you and your partner feel safer.
6. Get to the Root
Most of the time, trust issues do not come out of the blue. They’re usually a result of previous betrayals, childhood memories, or even seeing your parents fight. Sit down and reflect on yourself for a while—journaling can be a big help here—to see where your fears are originating from. Knowing the source of your mistrust is the initial step to overcoming it.
5. Take Emotional Risks
Eventually, you have to choose to be vulnerable once more. It does not mean you are dismissing red flags or flying blind, but it does mean letting yourself become open, even if you feel it’s risky. Emotional intimacy cannot develop without a dose of bravery. As Thriveworks describes, “Allow yourself to be vulnerable and choose to trust.”
4. Learn How Trust Works
Each person has a unique approach to trust. Some will offer it until it’s violated; others require it to be earned over time. Determine what works for you and share this with your partner. There is no formula for everyone, and it’s all right to move slowly if that’s what you need.
3. Accept the Risk
Trusting someone always requires a leap of faith. Humans are imperfect—they make errors, and sometimes they disappoint us. Part of creating real intimacy is accepting that risk. Having clear expectations and boundaries can help you, but finally, you must be willing to take the risk that everything won’t go exactly as planned.
2. Seek Professional Help
Oftentimes, trust problems are deep-seated and difficult to work through on your own. Therapy can be a lifesaver, either singly or as a couple. An experienced therapist will assist you in working through previous betrayals, learning more constructive ways to cope, and restoring your self-esteem. Rosecrans & Associates reports that, “Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing, understanding, and rebuilding.” Don’t hesitate to call if you feel stuck.
1. Know the Signs
The beginning of breaking trust issues is being able to identify them. Do you always expect your partner to betray you, even when there’s no evidence? Are you overly controlling, quick to criticize, or not willing to forgive even minor transgressions? Perhaps you shun commitment or pull away to prevent hurt. These are all tell-tale signs that trust is a problem. As stated in Verywell Mind, “Trust issues can make you feel suspicious about other people’s intentions, even if there is little to indicate that their actions are suspect.” Being aware is the beginning of change.
Trust issues don’t have to control your relationships. With patience, self-awareness, and the proper support, you can end the cycle and create the type of connection you really want.