There is magic in sitting with a parent or grandparent and asking the right question—one that is revealed to start a story you never knew, a lesson you didn’t even know you required, or a memory that will now feel like a treasure. All too often, we allow time to pass before we ask about the lives of those most dear to us. If you’re lucky enough to have relatives close by, don’t let these moments slip away. Below are the 10 most crucial questions and techniques to assist you in uncovering and preserving your family’s history—starting with the ones that probe the deepest.
10. What do you believe about things spiritual, and when did you feel most alive or most yourself?
Questions about spiritual beliefs and moments of feeling alive can reveal the heart of a person’s worldview and identity. These questions encourage loved ones to reveal what gives them meaning, peace, or a sense of direction. For Storii, “How would you describe your spiritual beliefs? When in your life have you felt most alive? Most yourself?” can uncover stories of faith, change, and evolution.
9. What makes you feel at peace, and is there anything you regret not doing or learning?
Regret and peace are powerful themes. These questions lead you to think about what makes your loved one comfortable and possibly what is still unfinished business. They help you understand what matters most to your loved ones and what they would have done differently. As suggested by Storii, “What makes you feel at peace? Is there anything you regret not doing or learning?” can lead to open and sometimes surprising conversations.
8. What helps you deal with adversity or tough spots in life? What was the toughest decision you ever had to make?
Resilience is built in the toughest times. Asking about struggles and hard choices gives a glimpse of your family’s resilience and flexibility. These instances humble and inspire you and show how your loved ones survived adversity.
7. What were some of the highlights and low points of your life?
Life’s ups and downs characterize us. Ask your loved ones to remember the moments that brought them the greatest joy and tested them. These are typically the moments that reflect on the values, relationships, and experiences that are most important.
6. What did your most significant relationships teach you, and what do you believe it takes to make relationships successful?
Love and sorrow, and also friendship, are feelings that exist universally. Asking about relationships—romantic, familial, or friendly—can provide understandings of relationships, forgiveness, and growth. According to Storii, “What are your thoughts regarding keeping relationships? What have your most valued relationships been showing you?” can start the conversation on love and loss.
5. What was your childhood like, and which family traditions or cultural values would you like me to maintain?
Childhood memories and family traditions form the roots of identity. What are your favorite holidays, recipes, games, and values that you loved ones would like to be passed on? According to The Good Trade, “Which cultural traditions would you like me to preserve?” can help pass on the legacy of your people.
4. What health problems do we experience in my family, and what should I be aware of that might be viewed as hereditary?
Discovering family health history is not only easy—it’s a way to protect the next generation. Asking about inherited conditions, past illnesses, and health histories can be life-saving. The Good Trade says that “Which health issues are hereditary in our family? What would I look out for that could be regarded as hereditary?” is a question that can really help.
3. What do you hope for the future—for yourself, our family, or the world?
Hopes and dreams don’t fade with age. Ask your loved ones what they hope for, what they still want to do or experience, and what they hope you will keep going. These can be simple and direct or fanciful and creative, but always provide a glimpse of what is to come.
2. What is the best present one could give you today, and what’s the best memory of us enjoying time together?
Memories and gifts are central to connection. Have your family consider the experiences you’ve had together and what would most make them feel seen and appreciated. The Good Trade instructs, “What is the most meaningful gift someone could give you today? What’s your favorite memory of us hanging out together?” can deepen your connection.
1. How do you record and store your stories—through technology, shared activity, or everyday conversation?
First is to make sure the stories don’t get lost. From automated phone calls, keepsake books, and photo applications to weekly family gatherings, make sure memories are recorded for future generations. As Crista Cowan described, “The real phenomenon of family history power is not just in what we discover about our ancestors, but in what we create with our living relatives along the way.” Consistency and shared curiosity are key—whether it’s a weekly phone call, sorting through old pictures together, or asking questions over coffee.
Don’t wait for the ideal moment or the ideal age. Begin asking, listening, and recording today. The secrets you uncover will be the heirlooms your family cherishes for generations.