Marriage is one of life’s greatest adventures. But even in the healthiest relationships, couples can encounter surprise roadblocks. You may glance at some marriages and ask yourself, How do they make it look so effortless? The reality is, most couples—regardless of how devoted—fall into a few shared traps that quietly erode their bond. The good news? These traps are completely preventable once you recognize what to watch out for. Let’s dissect five of the most common mistakes—and how to avoid them for a happier, healthier relationship.
5. Spending Too Much and Secrets About Money
Money is one of the biggest stressors in any relationship, particularly when couples use too much credit or keep debts a secret from one another. Trying to impress or keep up appearances can get both of you into a stress and uncertainty trap. Worse still, financial secrecy can sneakily destroy trust.
The solution? Share your spending habits, discuss your monetary goals, and create a budget as a team. Being collaborative on finances creates trust and keeps surprises (the negative kind) at bay.
4. Not Having Time for Fun
With all of the obligations life tosses our way—work, children, chores—it’s simple for couples to fall into a cycle that lacks much enjoyment. But relationships require joy to survive. Without activities or experiences to enjoy together, it’s simple to drift apart.
The solution is easy: plan time for one another. Whether it’s a night out at the movies, a weekend hike, or simply hanging out over coffee, shared experiences keep the flame burning. Fun isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline.
3. Inopportune Timing for Serious Discussion
Effective communication is vital, but when you communicate is as vital as what you communicate. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, couples are emotionally connected and open to discussing things simultaneously only 9% of the time. Therefore, if you’re discussing important issues at a tense moment, you’re likely getting yourselves into a fight, not a resolution.
A better solution? Request, “Is now a good time? ” and specify a time to discuss. Providing space for both of you to prepare results in smoother, more constructive conversations.
2. Assuming the Other Takes Things for Granted
With time, it’s natural to fall into complacency and discontinue doing the small things—saying “thank you,” being interested, or acknowledging efforts. Avoiding appreciation is a route to emotional distance.
One couple described how their marriage was changed by devoting a few minutes every morning and evening to telling each other what they were thankful for. Those little things count. They remind one another: I notice you, and I appreciate you. An appreciation habit keeps love new, even in long-term relationships.
1. Assuming the Worst
When things are heated, it’s simple to make assumptions about your partner’s intentions. You might think, They don’t care, or They never listen. But in reality, most spouses deeply care—they just don’t always express it perfectly. The danger lies in letting negative thoughts take over. Instead, pause and consider a more generous explanation for their behavior. Give them a chance to explain, and choose to believe in their good intentions.
Changing your way of thinking can help you overcome self-destructive habits and establish a foundation of trust and kindness.
Healthy marriages aren’t constructed on perfection, but on awareness, work, and a lot of heart. Through catching and fixing these usual blunders, couples can become stronger together and create a relationship that not only survives the year but radiates through them.