Flirting is one of those subjects that always seems to bring on confusing mixed feelings. Ask five different individuals what they believe, and you will most likely find five entirely different responses. Is it harmless fun, or is it emotional cheating?
The thing is, flirting within relationships isn’t typically black and white. It’s more of a gray area that truly relies on the boundaries and knowledge you have with your partner.
At its simplest, flirting is about catching someone off guard, usually with a flirtatious or slightly romantic tone. But when does it turn from being lighthearted to crossing the line? The line between flirting and cheating tends to come down to your motives and how involved you become emotionally. If you get yourself hyped up to gossip with someone outside of your relationship before you gossip with your partner, or if the flirting conversation begins to sound emotionally charged or covert, it may be a good time to step back and reflect on yourself.
The Savanna Post sums it up: “Flirting is when you interact with someone to attract attention with potential sexual implications.”. Cheating is anything in a relationship with another person besides your own that demonstrates romantic interest. This can be done emotionally or physically.
What makes this so complicated is the varying comfort levels of everyone. Some believe a flirtatious text or lighthearted compliment means nothing, whereas others view it as a sign of trouble. The bigger problem? Most couples never discuss it. A study presented in The Savanna Post indicates that roughly 70% of individuals never explicitly state what they perceive as going too far. Without that clear communication, it’s simple to misinterpret one another, get hurt, or lose trust.
That’s why being open and honest in your conversations is so crucial. If something doesn’t feel right—whether it’s your partner flirting or even you—you talk about it. Explain how it makes you feel, and hear where they are coming from as well. Flirting is just a part of someone’s nature sometimes, and other times it could be an indication that there is something deeper that needs to be addressed. Either way, communicating it may prevent a lot of misunderstandings in the future.
Then there’s jealousy. It’s completely normal to feel a little jealous now and then. But if it goes unchecked, it can take over and create tension where there doesn’t need to be any. In some cases, partners might even flirt with others right in front of you, not necessarily to be hurtful, but to see how you’ll react.
These small interactions are sometimes referred to as “jealousy tests.” As SOA.FM describes, “Oftentimes women will intentionally flirt with another man in front of you to see if she can get a reaction out of you… to test his confidence and see if he’s congruent with the man he presents himself to be.” It’s not always done on purpose—it may just be a means of seeking assurance or testing how secure the bond is.
How you react to those moments does count. If you greet them with anger, accusations, or insecurity, it may boomerang. It could even make you appear less secure to your partner. Remaining calm, confident, and centered indicates that you have faith in yourself and your relationship. Of course, if the behavior constitutes a definite line—such as distributing a phone number or physically approaching someone else—then it’s perfectly fine to call them out and establish some boundaries.
Ultimately, flirting and jealousy are about how you and your partner handle them, and that has everything to do with respect for each other and a sense of self. Ask yourself what’s going on underneath the behavior. Is it attention-seeking? A desire to feel alive? Is there something lacking that’s gotta get filled? And do you both know what’s okay and what’s not?
Every relationship is different, and what feels like harmless fun to one couple might feel completely wrong to another. What matters most is keeping the conversation open, being honest about your feelings, and staying connected to the trust and love you’ve built together.