Understanding Depression in Relationships
Dating or being in a relationship with someone who is depressed can be like trying to navigate a maze with no clear map. You may find yourself wondering what depression feels like for your partner, how you can assist, and if your relationship will survive the ebbs and flows.
These are all common questions. While everyone’s experience with depression is different, there are some common truths and helpful approaches that can make the journey a little less lonely—and a little more manageable—for both of you.
Recognizing the Signs: What to Look For
Depression doesn’t always show up the way you’d expect. It’s not always just sadness. Sometimes it looks like irritability, pulling away, changes in sleep or appetite, or even risky behavior like overspending. WebMD suggests that “sudden changes in your spouse’s daily routines or behaviors may be early warning signs of depression.”
You may notice that your partner becomes distant or has no interest in activities you once shared. It’s tempting to take these changes personally, but try to recall—these actions are indicators of the disease, not an expression of their feelings toward you or the relationship.
The Power of Compassionate Support
One of the most significant things you can do is just to be present with your partner. Sometimes that looks like being a good listener or providing a comforting hug. Other times, it may be taking care of little things that suddenly seem overwhelming to them.
Verywell Mind recommends, “Offer to assist them with scheduling appointments or accomplishing some of the daily tasks that they are finding hard to keep pace with.” Even little things—such as inviting a short walk or simply referencing a favorite hobby—can remind your partner gently about what they once enjoyed, even when they’re not yet ready to dive back in.
Navigating Conversations About Depression and Suicide
Discussing depression—and particularly suicidal thoughts—makes many people nervous. But honest, open discussion is crucial. If you see someone exhibit such things as extreme hopelessness, isolation, or remarks about wanting to be gone, you need to address it with caution and concern. HeadsUpGuys suggests, “Being able to discuss openly his thoughts will come a long way in making your partner feel supported.” Schedule a quiet, relaxed time to have a conversation and speak using “I” statements on what you’ve observed. For instance, you can mention that you’ve noticed shifts in their mood or sleep and that you’re genuinely concerned.
If your partner does become more open about suicidal ideation, remind them that they are not alone and that such feelings are more prevalent than most people realize. Avoid attempting to “fix” their pain or reason with them out of feeling the way they do. Rather, be a consistent, compassionate presence and ask what you can do best to support them.
Encouraging Treatment and Professional Help
Your support is important, but depression is a sickness, and sometimes professional assistance is needed for true recovery. Urge your partner to see a mental health specialist, just as you would if they had a bodily sickness. You can assist by helping them find a therapist, or a medical appointment, or even going with them if they wish. As Verywell Mind succinctly states, “Treatment is vitally important to recovery from depression.” Make it clear to your partner that it’s not a sign of weakness, though, to seek help—it’s more like a brave and necessary action.
If there is a risk of harming yourself, collaborate to make your space safer and develop a plan—something that includes having emergency contacts on hand and what to do if things only get worse.
Taking Care of Yourself While Supporting Your Partner
Being there for someone with depression can be emotionally exhausting. That’s why it’s so important to take care of your own mental and physical well-being, too. Verywell Mind also reminds us that “self-care is not selfish. You’ll both be better off if you carve out time to safeguard your mind, body, and spirit.”
Whether it’s speaking with a therapist, hanging out with friends, or simply doing things that calm you down, don’t forget about your own needs. And if the relationship is endangering your safety or health, it’s alright to set limits and seek extra help.
Fostering Hope and Holding On to Connection
Depression makes some individuals feel that they’re a burden or unworthy of love. One of the most potent ways you can assist your partner is by reminding them of their value, their strengths, and the people who care about them. The Mental Health Foundation urges couples to “keep doing things that you both enjoy.” Even little moments—watching a favorite film, cooking dinner together, taking a drive—can maintain your connection and provide a little comfort.
Getting better from depression does not always occur overnight. Changes are typically slow and gradual. But patience, understanding, and honest communication will help you make it through this one step at a time.