Whether it’s the end of a romantic relationship or a deep friendship, breakups can leave us feeling raw, lost, and full of unanswered questions. One of the hardest parts isn’t always the breakup itself—it’s the silence that follows. No final talk. No clear goodbye. Just absence. If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone, hoping for that one last message that never arrives, you’re far from alone.
We yearn for closure because we wish to make sense of what occurred. We desire some sort of confirmation that the relationship counted, and the termination wasn’t all inside our heads. But the truth is, closure is not always easy to find. People shy away from conflict. They suppress emotions. Occasionally, they just leave with no explanation because it’s simpler than dealing with the pain. As one of the therapists described, most people are not good at expressing what they really feel, particularly when things get complicated.
And when that conclusion never arrives, it can create turmoil within. You may find yourself reliving moments, wondering if you missed a clue. You may blame yourself, question your value, or believe you did something wrong to deserve the quiet. But more often than not, it’s not anything personal. Likely more than not, the other individual couldn’t handle their feelings, let alone yours. As Tiny Buddha so aptly states, “People can’t always be honest with you because they can’t be honest with themselves.”
So what do you do when you have no explanation, no apology, and no tidy bow at the end of the tale? You begin by creating your closure. Mourning is the first step. You can feel hurt and confused and angry—and even relieved. There’s no healthy way to mourn a breakup, and no schedule to which you must adhere. The key is to allow yourself to feel it, rather than denying it.
Journaling can also assist. Write a letter to the one you lost—not to mail, but for yourself. Spew out whatever you want to say: the pain, the love, the disillusionment, the farewell. Getting it down in writing can be amazingly therapeutic. Some therapists refer to it as a “grief letter,” a vehicle for working through grief and starting to release.
It also serves to look at the relationship as a whole. What did you get out of it? What did you learn? What are you going to miss? Even in sorrowful endings, there are usually valuable lessons. Being able to see those can serve to change your attention from “Why did this end?” to “How did this transform me?”
Uncovering a bit more, you may begin to look inward at your own needs and tendencies. Were your boundaries honored? Did you feel heard and respected? What are some qualities that you would like to see in your next relationship? This type of self-reflection isn’t about blame—it’s about learning and growth and how to choose better for yourself in the future.
You need to have support through this type of emotional shift. Get it out with someone you trust—friends, relatives, or a therapist. Sometimes, merely being heard and acknowledged can heal the pain and remind you that you are experiencing something real.
And even though it mightn’t seem like it at the moment, the breaking up of a relationship—particularly one that wasn’t healthy or fulfilling—makes room. Room for more authentic connections. For individuals who are willing and able to meet you where you are. For relationships that feel mutual, giving, and harmonized.
Closure isn’t always the result of the one who left. Sometimes it is you deciding to stop waiting. Stop waiting for answers that might never be there. And start healing on your terms.
As Exploring Therapy so eloquently puts it, friend breakups (and boyfriend breakups too) are a reflection of personal growth—the other person may not have been able to journey through with you. And though that stings, it also means you’re getting somewhere. You don’t require their explanation to heal. You merely require your truth.