Grief is a very powerful and unique emotion that everyone experience at some point in their life. Grief can be caused by any extreme sorrow and emotional moment such as death of loved ones, breakup, and sudden career obstacles, job loss, exam failure etc.
Grief is an unavoidable moment in our life and everyone has to go through this critical emotional moment. If you are feeling overwhelming, disoriented and feeling isolated then you are experiencing grief. Grief is not a simple process, its intensity differs from person to person and the emotional situation they are going through.
There are different stages of grief, these stages are proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969, and was helped many individuals to handle their own grief and understand the situation they are facing with its effective remedies. Grief is emotion differs from person to person, and understanding the stages of grief helps to easily go through that intense emotional moment.
What are the 5 stages of Grief:
In 1969 Swiss American origin psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published her groundbreaking book on death and dying, where she introduced 5 stages of grief Kubler-Rioss observed these stages were experienced by individuals diagnosed with terminal illness, but over the time they were expanded to strong emotional losses which are called grief.
The five stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross are as follows:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Later additional stages were proposed to create a complete seven stage model that helps to better reflect the complex aspects of grief. These seven stages of grief including:
- Shock and Denial
- Pain and Guilt
- Anger and Bargaining
- Depression
- The Upward Turn
- Proper reconstruction and working
- Acceptance and Hope
The expanded seven-sage model provides more detailed steps of experience during grief. Coping up with grief is a very personal journey.
The 5 Stages of Grief
The five stages of grief are emotional journey of individual facing terminal illness. However, these stages can be applied to many different types of losses. Let’s know more about the five stages of grief.
Stage 1: Denial
Denial is first stage of grief where emotional loss gets overwhelmed and captures your mind and body. Denial mechanism can help to mitigate the initial shock stage of loss.
During this stage, individuals refuse to accept the reality of loss. They are stuck with emotion where nothing has changes including sense of disbelief. This is a temporary response which help individual to understand the situation.
Examples of the denial stage of grief are as follows:
- Breakup or divorce: “It is just a phase, we will work through it”
- Death of Loved Ones: “it can’t be gone, This can’t be happened”
- Job Loss” I will get a call any day now. This mistake will be fixed by employer”
Stage 2: Anger
Once the denial began to fade away, anger takes its place. This stage of grief can be intense anger and the individual may feel helpless, Frustrated and upset. Anger stage may direct at the person who has caused the loss, at other who seem unaffected, or even on self.
Anger is a way of hiding the deeper emotion of sadness, fear or helplessness. It is important to note that anger can feel intense which another stage of grief is.
Examples of the anger stage of grief include:
- Breakup or Divorce: “How could he do this to me? I don’t deserve this”
- Death of loved Ones: ”How could be do this to me? I don’t deserve this”
- Job Loss: “I worked so hard for this company. They don’t deserve me”
Stage 3: Bargaining
Bargaining is third stage of grief, where the victims began to make deals or promises in an attempt to reverse or try to cover up the loss.
This situation is very depressing, such as “what if” and “if only” where painful emotions starts surfacing.
Examples of bargaining stage of grief includes below:
- Breakup Divorce: “If I could just get another chance, I would do everything differently”
- Death of a Loved One: “If I had been there more, would they still be alive?”
- Job Loss: “If I work harder, maybe I will prove myself valuable enough to keep my job”
Stage 4: Depression
Depression is a fourth stage of grief, in this stage, individual may feel extreme sadness, loss of interest and sense of hopelessness. This stage is feeling full of low feelings and can be a time of deep emotional damage.
Depression often feels like an emotional numbness which feels like a dark cloud that won’t lift, and individuals try to run away from others, feeling that no one can truly understand what they are going through.
Examples of depression stage of grief as follows:
- Breakup of Divorce: “I don’t know how I can move on from this. I feel so empty”
- Death of a Loved Ones: “How can I live without them? What’s the point of anything now?”
- Job Loss: “I feel worthless. My whole identity is gone”
Stage 5: Acceptance
The final stage of grief is acceptance of the situation and coping up with pain and sadness; they come to acceptance with the reality of what has happened and began to adjust the life without the person, job or situation that has been lost.
In this stage, individuals may start finding new meaning in their lives and gain sense of peace. Acceptance does not necessary that the individual may overcome the grief also, rather they have reached a place where they can accept the reality and start moving forward by themselves.
Examples of the acceptance stage of grief include:
- Breakup of Divorce: “I know I will be ok on my own, and I will eventually find happiness again”
- Death of Loved Ones: “ I am so grateful for the time we had together, and I will carry the memory with me forever”
- Job Loss: “I am starting to explore new opportunities and create a new path for myself”
The 7 Stages of Grief:
The five stages of grief is widely recognized, its further expanded seven stage model has also gained popularity. This model aims to provide more detailed look at the emotional and psychological experience of grief.
The seven stages of grief including:
- Shock and denial: A State of disbelief and emotional damage
- Pain and Guilt: A Deep sense of sadness and guilt, and often questioning about the loss could have been prevented
- Anger and Bargaining: Making promises to avoid or reverse the loss.
- Depression: A Period of extreme feeling of sadness and withdrawal
- The upward turn: A Sense of emotional improvement, as the intensity of grief begins reducing
- Reconstruction and working Through: An active effort to rebuild and adjust to life after the loss.
- Acceptance of hope: Coming to agreement of loss and finding hope for the future
Frequently asked questions about stages of Grief:
How long does the stages of grief last?
There is no specific time, about how grief can last long. The stages of grief can last for days, weeks or months even years. Some individuals may experience even one stage for a longer time, and few may pass the stages quickly. The important thing to remember is that there is no “correct” way to grief, and everyone’s journey through the stages of grief is unique,
Is it possible to skip or repeat any stages in grief?
Yes, the stages of grief are not in one row, and it is possible to skip any stage or jump back and forward between stages. Some individuals may start grief with feeling of anger and then move to denial. Few may experience depression before reaching to acceptance. The journey of grief is individual in nature and it is important to behave mindfully during this situation.
Why it is important to understand the various stages of grief?
Understanding the every stage of grief, which help to normalize your emotional experience, which comes with loss? By understanding the grief and its process, and its different phases, people can feel less isolated and more prepared to deal with the rising emotional loss. Understanding every stage of grief can help friends and family to provide better support to those who are facing grief which is an extremely emotional and sorrow moment.
The all five and seven stages of grief provide a valuable insight about the emotional loss. This stages offers insight of complexity of grief and sorrow emotion, which helps individuals to understand their emotions and process their feelings to find the acceptance. After knowing the stages of grief one can find comfort and guidance to accept the stress and overwhelming emotional loss.
Grief is personal experience of emotionally down stage of you, and there is no right or wrong way to going through it. Upon finding you struggle under grief. Then it is very important to reach out support of friends and family or professional counselors. Healing from extreme sorrow and loss is a challenging journey but with more understanding, time, compassion and support to effectively tackle the grief situation and move forward with accepting the situation, positive thoughts, and hope for good.
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