Let’s be real: first dates can feel like a high-stakes audition, with nerves, hope, and maybe a little dread all swirling together. But if you’re serious about finding a healthy relationship, spotting red flags early is essential—think of it as emotional self-defense. Whether you’re a seasoned dater or just dipping your toes back in, here are the 13 biggest red flags to watch for on a first date, counting down from subtle to absolutely can-not-ignore.
10. Talking Only About Themselves
If your date dominates the conversation, barely asks about you, or steers everything back to their interests, it’s a sign of self-centeredness. Several women shared with BuzzFeed that this behavior never improves—if it’s all about them now, it’ll always be about them.
9. Badmouthing Exes
If your date insults their ex or blames them for various things, it’s a huge red flag. In Katia Beeden’s opinion, this usually indicates immaturity, lack of empathy, or even narcissistic personality traits.
8. Disregarding Boundaries
If your date is pushing you to meet at their location, attempting to get handsy without asking, or ignoring your comfort level, that’s a huge red flag. As explained by several women in BuzzFeed’s list, boundary-pushing—particularly personal space—is never a thing.
7. Rudeness to Service Staff
How one interacts with waiters, bartenders, or anyone in a service position says a great deal about them. If he is cold, rude, or condescending, then this is an indication that he believes he is entitled and lacks empathy. To quote Brian C. Dunn, being kind to all is not negotiable.
6. Future Faking
If your date begins speaking of traveling with you, meeting their family, or getting married immediately, watch out. According to Verywell Mind, future faking is a manipulation technique to establish false closeness and hasten the relationship.
5. Trauma Dumping
Oversharing information about childhood trauma, exes, or personal demons on a first date isn’t awkward—this is a sign of weak boundaries. As Katia Beeden explains, this is one of the ways narcissists use to bait empathetic partners.
4. Not Respecting Your Choices
Ordering food for you without asking, insisting you drink more, or making decisions on your behalf signals controlling behavior. Multiple women told BuzzFeed that this is a major red flag for control issues.
3. Getting Drunk or Wasted
Whereas it can be enjoyable to share a drink, drunkenness on a first date is dangerous. This may expose bad behavior, bad impulse control, or worse yet, ill intentions. As mentioned in Lemon8, one’s conduct after alcohol consumption speaks volumes about one’s character.
2. Checking Their Phone Continuously
If your date is stuck to their phone, texting, or scrolling social media, it’s an indication that they’re not engaged or interested. As Brian C. Dunn would write, being engaged and present is central to creating connection.
1. Disrespecting Your Boundaries—Physically or Emotionally
The greatest red flag of all? Any boundary invasion. Whether it’s intrusive touching, demanding intimacy, or disregarding your loud “no,” this is never okay. As it is discussed by women in BuzzFeed’s anthology, trusting your instincts and keeping your boundaries intact is the most effective way to keep yourself safe. Here’s the thing: your intuition is your friend. And if something doesn’t feel right, it likely isn’t. Trauma and your past can make it difficult to trust yourself, but it’s a step into healthier relationships to learn to respect your instincts. Don’t be afraid to walk away, say no, or demand more—because you’re worth it.