Dating apps feel like being lost in a maze with intangible walls—particularly for guys. Swiping right may be easy enough, but connecting is an entirely different game. Many men become frustrated, bewildered, or even discouraged by the entire process. But sometimes it’s not all bad luck—it’s a group of typical pitfalls that continually rear up, ruining your prospects before you can even begin. Let’s dissect the ten largest mistakes men make on dating apps, and how you can avoid them for greater success.
10. Coming On Too Strong Too Early
Leaping into banter or getting physical before you’ve even met is a guaranteed way to get unmatched or disregarded. As one woman described it, before meeting is instantly disappointing—even for highly open women. She said that beginning with such lines as “I love to cuddle” or attempting to offer a massage immediately is a turn-off, and gets women feeling objectified instead of understanding them as human beings. The key is to establish a genuine connection and allow intimacy to develop over time. One of the quickest ways to get written off, according to several women, is to come a little too strong too soon.
9. Failure to Comprehend and Respect Women’s Safety Fears
Most men downplay just how much safety on dates weighs on women’s minds. A woman told the story of a man who was annoyed that his date would not let him pick her up, unaware that for many women, the nightmare is really being stuck in a car with a stranger. Another reminded everyone that “safe” was one of the most frequently used words when women described their best boyfriends. If you wish to impress her, then demonstrate that you have respect for her boundaries and appreciate her requirement of feeling safe. As one of the respondents stated, allowing a woman space to learn about you and recognize you as safe is important.
8. Not Asking Questions or Continuing a Conversation
It’s surprising to see how many men fail to ask questions or make the attempt to extend a conversation. Women pick up on when you don’t express sincere interest in their lives, and it makes them feel invisible. A woman noted that it’s not merely a matter of displaying interest—it’s about getting someone to feel heard and remembered. Showing thoughtful questioning, referencing information from her profile, and being engaged in the conversation are the foundations of trust and intimacy. In the opinion of ChemistryMean3876, failing to ask questions is a fundamental but all-too-often error.
7. Bragging, Overselling, or Being Fake
Pretending to be too impressive—either by itemizing accomplishments, bragging about the number of women interested in you, or acting as if you like activities you don’t—quite often fails. Women can detect insincerity a mile away. One woman told about how disappointing it was to discover a man had misrepresented sharing her interests to catch her eye. Another said that overselling yourself just comes off as narcissistic. Let your personality speak for itself, and don’t try to force a connection by being someone you’re not. As bingocatswithhats put it, if she’s on a date with you, she’s already interested—no need to oversell.
6. Talking Negatively About Exes or Showing Jealousy
Dragging your ex into the conversation or showing jealousy—especially before you’ve even met—raises red flags. One woman shared an account of a party where a man she hardly knew stared at her throughout the evening solely for speaking to other men. Another shared that discussing your exes or comparing your date to your exes all the time is an indicator that you haven’t healed yet. Instead, pay attention to the person in front of you, and bring your baggage along with you. Referring to SaltSpecialist_3206, mentioning exes or jealousy is a big turn-off.
5. Failure to Read or Reference Her Profile
The modern-day equivalent of the limp handshake is sending a generic “hey” or “what’s up.” Women get bombarded with messages, and those that cut through are messages referencing something from their profile. Whether it’s a favorite book, travel spot, or offbeat hobby, demonstrating that you’ve read her profile will make her remember you. As Dr. NerdLove describes, the standards for first messages are so low that even a small amount of effort pays dividends.
4. Being Too Persistent or Crossing Into Desperation
Persistence is key, but there’s a thin line between expressing interest and appearing desperate or even creepy. Dating coach Emyli Lovz recommends a three-message rule: send an initial message, a follow-up, and a last-ditch effort—then move on if there’s no response. Bombarding someone with messages, calling repeatedly, or sending long, emotional texts is not persistence—it’s desperation. Healthy relationships require equal investment, and overdoing it signals insecurity. According to Emyli Lovz, the difference between persistence and annoyance is all about mindset and respecting boundaries.
3. Ghosting or Poor Communication Etiquette
Ghosting is rampant on dating apps, and while it’s often unintentional, it still stings. Many women report being ghosted after a promising conversation or even after a first date. On the flip side, men often feel ignored or left on read, which can be demoralizing. The best approach is to communicate honestly—if you’re not interested, say so politely. As Adeline Tan comments, ghosting is needlessly rude, and a courtesy goes a long way.
2. Playing Dating as a Formula or Game
Some guys treat dating apps as an equation—one that, if they check all the right boxes, say the right words, or recite a script, they will get the desired outcome. But true connection isn’t an equation. Women desire honesty, not deception. As one woman described it, dating isn’t about speaking what you believe women wish to hear, but making a genuine connection. For shaylaa30, formulaic treatment of dating is manipulative and repellent.
1. Not Being Emotionally Resilient or Taking Things Too Personally
Dating apps can be ruthless, and rejection is inevitable. Most men take every unmatched swipe or left-on-message to heart, sending them spiraling into self-doubt and negativity. Some even say dating apps ruined their self-esteem, particularly if they don’t meet traditional standards of beauty. The reality is that everyone experiences rejection, and it’s almost never personal. Developing emotional resilience—being able to bounce back, know when to take a break, and not make your worth about your match rate—is key. Many men emphasized how the emotional cost of dating apps can be weighed down, but one must keep things in perspective and look toward growth.
Dating apps are a crazy ride, but steering clear of these pitfalls can make the experience a lot less bumpy. Remember, real connection, respect, and a bit of self-awareness do a much better job than any witty pickup line or equation ever could.