Let’s get real—dating is a minefield. You match with someone cool, you survive the first date, maybe even the second, and then. poof! The magic dies, the texts disappear, or you’re left stumped as to what happened. If you’re sick of one-way dates, it’s time to get real about the biggest blunders people make in those first few encounters.
Here are the 9 worst dating errors that can ruin chemistry, connection, and your chance at something real—listed in reverse order so you know what to avoid first.
9. Messing Up Texting After Dates
You went on a great date, but now you’re glued to your phone, hoping for a response that never arrives. Ring a bell? From MarsVenus, multiple texts or a confrontation with someone for remaining silent can present you as demanding, needy, or high-maintenance. Especially men may be likely to take a follow-up text like “Can you tell me what is wrong?” as aggressive, although that was not intended. Keep it light and let people have space to reply. If you do call or text, make it to share something entertaining or to seek advice, not to demand an explanation.
8. Domination of Conversation and Lack of Curiosity
Have you ever gone on a date where the person describes themselves, their work, or their ex in non-stop detail? It’s draining—and a turn-off. As explained by Smart Dating Over 60, taking control of the conversation and not asking questions indicates that you are not empathetic or curious. The dates should be a two-way conversation, where both parties are sharing and listening. If you find yourself talking nonstop, stop and inquire about your date’s passions, stories, or opinions. Mutual curiosity is the starting point of genuine connection.
7. Disregarding Boundaries and Red Flags
Boundaries are important—a lot. If your date insists on keeping you out late when you’ve already expressed the need to go, attempts to make physical contact you’re not ready for, or ignores your preferences, these are warning signs. As Verywell Mind points out, not respecting boundaries or being rude to waiters can point to larger problems with empathy and character. Notice how your date treats your needs and those of others around them.
6. Not Developing Chemistry (Not Only Connection)
Witty banter is pleasant, but it’s not sufficient. Chemistry is what compels you to invite the other person out once more. According to Matthew Hussey, connection is distinct from chemistry. You might experience a warm, amiable conversation, but without flirting, suspense, or risk-taking, the date will fizzle. Flirting, teasing, and deliberate pacing build anticipation and tension. Don’t hurry—let moments linger and express actual interest in your date’s individuality.
5. Picking the Wrong Place for Dates
Blaring bars, packed parties, or venues with unlimited distractions are date-killers. Laurie Gerber advises selecting a quaint, quiet place where you can hear one another and share quality talks. If you’re yelling over sounds or being interrupted all the time, you’ll never get to connect. The right atmosphere paves the way for intimacy and exploration.
4. Impatience, Neediness, and Clinginess After Dates
Nothing destroys attraction quicker than coming on too strong after a date. Coach Corey Wayne tells a story of a guy who, after two wonderful dates and a night out, flooded his date with texts and attempted to solidify the next encounter in a flash. The outcome? She lost attraction and informed him that there was no chemistry. Be cool and confident—make your date miss you and call back in their own good time. Desperation is not hot.
3. Allowing Dates to Feel More Like Interviews Rather than Connections
If you’re treating your date like an interview—answering questions like a barrage of cannon fire, scoring responses, and testing compatibility in the moment—you’re going to kill any romantic potential. Dates are not about passing a test, You Can Date Better says. Vulnerability, storytelling, and conversational pivots with playfulness make dates memorable and unique. Be open with your true self and ask your date to be as well.
2. Avoiding Honest and Vulnerable Conversations
On the second or third date, it’s time to get beyond small talk. Laurie Gerber suggests that you need to talk about values, relationship aspirations, and even “liabilities” at the beginning. If you steer clear of them because you don’t want to kill the moment, you’re wasting your time on somebody who isn’t compatible. Having open, honest discussions about what you desire, what you’ve learned from your previous relationships, and your dealbreakers is all-important for building trust and clarity.
1. Hurrying Physical Intimacy Too Early
Physical chemistry is valuable, but speed can be suicidal. Laurie Gerber and Coach Corey Wayne also advise against hurrying to have physical intimacy or even kissing until you’ve established sufficient trust and emotional rapport. Hasty intimacy skews judgment and results in misleading emotional attachments not founded on actual compatibility. The optimal time for a physical advance is when both parties feel safe, respected, and truly eager—not obligated or pressured.
Dating isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real, curious, and respectful. Avoid these common mistakes, and you’ll be well on your way to building the kind of chemistry and connection that lasts.