10 Ways to Tell If You’re the Only One Putting in the Effort

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Ever found yourself wondering whether you are the only one who is maintaining your relationship? Relationships in which one partner is doing all the work might shock you at any time, and you can then find yourself feeling worn out, feeling less confident, and questioning your worth. Recognizing the potential risk factors in advance is a move in the right direction to regain your joy and develop better relationships with others. The ten biggest warning markers that your relationship might be more one-sided than you think are presented here, ranging from the most subtle to the necessary ones.

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10. Loss of Individuality

If you find yourself wondering if you’ve lost connection with who you are—your hobbies, your friends, your dreams—just to keep things peaceful or to make your partner happy, it’s a huge red flag. As discussed by Uncover Counseling, “In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may feel pressured to change their interests, beliefs, or identity to please the other.” Losing your identity isn’t just heartbreaking—it’s not sustainable.

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9. Physical or Verbal Abuse

Any kind of abuse—shouting, belittling, or physical harm—crosses a boundary that shouldn’t ever be allowed. Abuse has lasting consequences to your physical and emotional health, and it’s an unmistakable sign that the relationship is not only one-sided but harmful. Uncover Counseling says, “Any form of abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional, is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship.”

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8. Unequal Effort

Are you perpetually the one planning, calling, or keeping things going? When someone is always putting more time, energy, or effort in, resentment and frustration are sure to ensue. As Uncover Counseling points out, “Healthy relationships require equal effort from both partners.” If you’re carrying the load, it’s time to inspect this further.

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7. Disrespectful Behavior

Respect is the cement that keeps any relationship intact. If your partner ignores your views, humiliates you in public, or disregards your boundaries, that’s not love—it’s disrespect. As Uncover Counseling says, “Disrespect can take many forms, such as dismissive language, public embarrassment, or ignoring boundaries.” You should be respected, not belittled.

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6. Emotional Manipulation

Does your partner manipulate you through guilt, fear, or confusion to manipulate you into doing what they want? Emotional manipulation—such as gaslighting or questioning your reality—is a red flag for a toxic, one-way relationship. Uncover Counseling defines emotional manipulation as when “one partner uses guilt, fear, or coercion to control the other.” If you find yourself second-guessing yourself all the time, something’s wrong.

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5. Jealousy and Insecurity

A little jealousy is natural, but when it becomes accusations all the time, spying on you, or asking you to report on your every move, it’s a sign of severe trust issues. Too much jealousy can strangle a relationship and have you feeling like you’re under constant suspicion. Uncover Counseling mentions, “While occasional jealousy is normal, excessive jealousy can signal deeper trust issues.”

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4. Lack of Support

In a healthy relationship, each person supports the other. If you are struggling by yourself and your success is unappreciated, you’re not experiencing one of the most wonderful aspects of a partnership. Uncover Counseling mentions, “In contrast, an unhealthy relationship often lacks emotional or practical support, leaving one partner feeling isolated or undervalued.”

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3. Controlling Behavior

Does your partner attempt to control your decisions, friendships, or even your routine? Control manifests as watching your every move, limiting your interaction with friends and family, or deciding for you. Not only is this unhealthy—it’s a huge red flag. Uncover Counseling describes, “A partner who tries to control your actions, decisions, or social interactions might be showing signs of toxic behavior.”

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2. Continuous Criticism

Constructive criticism makes us better, but continuous nitpicking or belittling can erode our self-confidence. If your partner constantly critiques you or makes you feel inferior, it’s not only painful—it’s an indicator of a bad relationship. Uncover Counseling cautions, “Constant criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression.”

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1. Lack of Communication

At the center of every healthy relationship is honest, open communication. When your thoughts, feelings, or opinions are dismissed or disrespected, distance and resentment can take hold in no time. According to Uncover Counseling, “Open and honest communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. In an unhealthy relationship, you feel like your thoughts, feelings, or opinions are dismissed or not respected.” If you’re not being heard, it’s time to ask yourself why.

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Identifying these red flags is difficult, particularly when you love someone. But keep in mind, a good relationship should leave you feeling supported, respected, and valued—not drained, nervous, or overlooked. If you’re seeing these patterns in your life, remember that you’re not alone—and that you can change.