Sustaining romance in a long relationship is love’s biggest challenge—and reward. Infatuation can eventually fade, but by intention and imagination, couples can restore the thrill, intimacy, and bond that first brought them together. Here are the seven best, research-backed practices of maintaining romance, summarized from marriage therapists and actual experiences.
7. Seek Professional Help When Needed
At times, in spite of trying one’s best, you might end up feeling lost or estranged. Engaging the services of a couples therapist or relationship counsellor can give you fresh techniques and information. “Relationship counselling can be very helpful in giving tools to improve emotional connection and restore intimacy, especially when things go wrong,” assert Dr (Prof) R K Suri and Ms. Swati Yadav. Therapy is not only for dysfunctional couples—any couple can derive value in strengthening their relationship and learning new skills.
6. Practice Gratitude and Appreciation
It can shift your attitude and boost your emotional connection. Little daily rituals—such as sharing with each other something you appreciate about each other—can reinforce your bond and bring back those initial reasons why you fell in love. As Dr (Prof.) R K Suri and Ms. Swati Yadav have suggested, “Start a daily or weekly ritual where you share something you appreciate about each other.” It is so simple a habit that it creates positivity and keeps love alive.
5. Encourage Personal Growth
Healthy relationships where both partners foster each other’s personal interests and development flourish. Engaging in your partner’s hobby even though it is not necessarily your favorite is a gesture of respect and appreciation. A couple suggested that engaging in their preferred activities, such as golfing or mall-walking, remained a strong bond for them after six years of togetherness. As their anecdote has been shared, “actively seeking these traits for each other is what keeps the flame burning in our relationship.”
4. Surprise Each Other and Embrace Playfulness
Routine can dull excitement, but surprises—big or small—can reignite passion. Whether it’s leaving a sweet note, planning a spontaneous outing, or simply being silly together, these gestures show your partner you’re thinking of them. Playfulness is a powerful repair tool, too. The Gottman Institute defines repair attempts as “any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” Repairing early and frequently is are practice of relationship masters, employing creative styles fitting for them.
3. Prioritize Quality Time and Shared Activities
Life has a tendency to get in the way, but establishing regular distraction-free time as a couple is needed. Having date night each week, mutual hobbies, or even a short walk can solidify your bond and build new memories. As Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has put it, “Quality time is the foundation for fostering intimacy and connection within your relationship.” Disconnect, connect, and prioritize each other.
2. Communicate Openly and Repair Early
Open and honest communication is the key to any successful relationship. Frequent check-ins regarding feelings, needs, and concerns create closeness and preclude misunderstandings from accumulating. When disagreements arise, work towards resolving issues instead of accusing one another. As Lissy Abrahams describes, “Effective communication focuses on solving the problem together rather than fighting each other.” Repair attempts, like a genuine apology or a lighthearted gesture, allow couples to get back on course promptly before negativity dictates.
1. Reawaken Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Passion differs from physical and emotional intimacy. Couples eventually fall into a rut that gratifies lust. To reawaken the flame, find new ways of showing affection—cuddling, holding hands, or experimenting in bed. For Ian Kerner, “Sexual boredom is normal but reversible. To get the spark back, you must remove the turn-offs and add the turn-ons.” Emotional intimacy counts as well—open up your vulnerabilities, your dreams, your fears. When each partner is truly seen and appreciated, the spark can burn more brightly than ever.
Keeping the flame burning in a long marriage is a continuous, dynamic effort. With purpose, imagination, and support for one another, couples can make romance shine, deepen their connection, and create a lasting love.