Emotional manipulation and gaslighting are two phrases that have burst into the public consciousness, and rightly so—arguably, they represent some of the most hideous types of psychological abuse you can experience in the home, among friends, or in the workplace. The techniques are used to destroy your confidence, warp your perceptions of reality, and give the manipulator greater control. Let’s number down the 10 worst gaslighting and manipulation strategies you should know about and recognize.
10. Boundary Testing
Manipulators enjoy testing your limits, testing you to see what they can do before you blow up. This could be ignoring your demands, telling off-color jokes, or consistently pushing past boundaries you’ve established. Day by day, this testing of limits dissolves your feeling of security and makes it more difficult to push back against. As a couple and family therapist described, boundary testing is a manipulator’s old trick for gaining more and more control over you.
9. Acting Helpless
Playing dumb, playing incapable, questioning everything, and needing help with it, is a devious strategy to shift responsibility and get others to do the work. This “learned helplessness” makes you feel guilty about doing more, while the manipulator gets away. You may end up doing it all while they act as victims, as described by the same therapist.
8. Deflection and Switchtracking
When called out, manipulators never directly confront the problem. They deflect, mention past errors on your part, or suddenly become concerned about a different issue. This technique is referred to as deflection or switchtracking and is meant to perplex you and sidestep responsibility. Relationship experts say this keeps you on your heels and the actual problem from ever being solved.
7. Withholding (Affection/Information)
Manipulators tend to withhold affection, attention, or even essential information as punishment or a means of control. In relationships, this may be the silent treatment or not speaking for days. At work, it could be withholding important news, then complaining that you don’t know something. This sends them mixed signals and makes them dependent on you for validation.
6. Playing on Insecurities
Mentioning your past shortcomings, speaking negatively about your looks, or making you feel you’re not worthy are all manipulative tactics that take advantage of your vulnerabilities. By wearing away your self-esteem and making you desire their validation, even as they undermine you, this strategy keeps them in charge. According to relationship therapists, playing on vulnerabilities is a highly effective method of keeping someone in line.
5. Stonewalling and Silent Treatment
Stubbornness in refusing to talk, not returning messages, or leaving when there’s an argument is more than a stubbornness issue—it’s a way of emotionally punishing someone. Stonewalling makes you anxious and helpless and leaves you yearning for resolution. Being shut out of meetings or discussions at work serves the same purpose. Silent treatment is a telltale sign of a toxic workplace, according to workplace gurus.
4. Blame-Shifting
Manipulators are experts at evading responsibility. When you call them on hurtful actions, they will deflect: “You’re too sensitive,” “You made me do it,” or “If you weren’t so hard to get along with, we wouldn’t have these issues.” This steady blame-shifting causes you to second-guess your own behavior and feel guilty for something that isn’t your fault. As explained by psychology specialists, this is one of the prime strategies in both interpersonal and business relations.
3. Minimization and Trivializing
If you say you’re hurt or upset, manipulators will make light of your feelings: “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not that bad,” or “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” This minimization causes you to question whether your feelings are real and teaches you to push them down. As described by psychologists, trivializing is a subtle but very effective method of silencing and controlling.
2. Denial and Rewriting History
One of the most confusing strategies is simply denying the truth: “That never occurred,” “You’re remembering it incorrectly,” or “I never said that.” The manipulator might even alter the history to fit their agenda, having you doubt your memory and sanity. This is particularly prevalent in the work environment, where a supervisor might deny promising something or say that you got the instructions wrong. According to workplace culture experts, this strategy dismantles trust and confidence over time.
1. Gaslighting
The number one spot on our list is gaslighting proper—the classic manipulation tool. Gaslighting is about getting you to question your own reality, memories, and perceptions. It can be a combination of the above tactics, but its hallmark is chronic, deliberate bending of the truth. Whether it’s a partner telling you that you’re “crazy,” a boss ignoring overt evidence, or a friend doubting your judgment, gaslighting makes you nervous, anxious, and alone. Described by Medical News Today, gaslighting is psychological abuse that makes a person doubt their sanity, memory, or version of reality.
The effects of these tactics are significant. Victims frequently feel anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and ongoing confusion. In relationships, it results in isolation and dependency. In the workplace, it can destroy confidence and career opportunities. Becoming aware of these tactics is the beginning of reclaiming your sense of self and forging healthier, more respectful relationships.