Image Source: Bing Image. License: All Creative Commons
Parenting is not only about making children eat their vegetables or do their homework, but it is also about transforming the foundation of their personality. Our upbringing has an impact on our hearts and minds, and these impressions continue entering our adult life and even our kids’ lives. The negative aspects of parenting have the potential to affect a person’s life negatively in a multitude of ways and for a very long time. Below are the 8 longest-lasting effects of bad parenting, with the most difficult one to overcome being last.
8. Higher Risk of Criminal or Risky Behavior
Kids who spend their childhoods in abusive, neglectful, or chronically conflict-ridden homes are more likely to get involved in risky or even criminal activity. Based on the American SPCC, kids rejected by their parents, living in homes with significant conflict, and under-supervised are most at risk of becoming delinquents. The more negative family traits accumulate, the higher the risk. It’s not a matter of disobeying the rules—it’s a matter of failing to acquire the skills to deal with the challenges of life in health-enhancing ways.
7. Intergenerational Transmission of Trauma
Poor parenting is an injury that goes beyond one generation. Trauma, especially if it is prolonged, can alter our physiological and neurological systems for dealing with stress. Research quoted by the American SPCC shows that people suffering from trauma have increased stress hormone levels, and these changes are transmitted to their offspring. If left unattended, the recurrence of the dysfunctional patterns, neglect, or abuse can become habitual, and thus, the next generation will find it harder and harder to get out of such a situation.
6. Academic and Cognitive Challenges
A caring, engaged parent is a child’s first and best educator. When parents are uncaring, neglectful, or hostile, children tend to do poorly in school as well as with problem-solving. The American SPCC observes that authoritarian, control-oriented parenting has an inverse correlation with academic achievement and career success. Children who lack the support they need can have difficulty focusing, learning, or believing in themselves.
5. Deficient Social Skills and Relationship Difficulty
The home is where we initially learn to relate to people. Poor parenting—be it neglect, cruelty, or emotional unavailability—is likely to leave children with difficulty establishing healthy relationships. Children will develop insecure or disorganized patterns of attachment, so that in adulthood, the relationships become emotionally chaotic or avoidant. They may have an easier time pushing others away than opening, or getting upset and obsessed with abandonment fears. These patterns can complicate friendships, love relationships, and even work relationships.
4. Low Self-Esteem and Shame Patterns
When parents are excessively critical, emotionally unavailable, or inconsistent, children tend to internalize the message that they’re insufficient. Children in such environments, states Harper West, may end up being excessively self-critical, guilt-prone, perfectionistic, and emotionally closed off. This shame manifests in the form of a relentless inner critic, a perpetual feeling of not being good enough, or an overachieving compulsion in a desperate bid to be seen or loved at last.
3. Emotional Dysregulation and Mental Health Disorders
Bad parenting is one of the highest risk factors for a variety of mental health conditions. Parents who are hostile, neglectful, or emotionally immature can predispose their children to anxiety, depression, and even more serious psychological disorders. According to American SPCC, children who are exposed to hostile parenting are significantly more likely to exhibit internalizing symptoms such as anxiety and externalizing behaviors such as aggression or hyperactivity. Without positive models for emotional regulation, children can grow up without emotional regulation, cycling between overarousal and numbness.
2. Insecure Attachment and Trouble Trusting Others
Attachment is the intangible adhesive that makes us safe, loved, and able to venture out into the world. Inconsistency, neglect, or emotional unavailability in parents can lead children to develop insecure attachment patterns. The NSPCC clarifies that children with insecure attachment struggle to trust others, manage feelings, and develop healthy relationships as adults. They can become frightened, avoidant, or overly reliant, taking these tendencies into every aspect of their lives.
1. Trouble Setting Boundaries and Self-Sacrifice
The greatest evil that bad parenting leaves behind may be the trouble setting good boundaries and looking after one’s own needs. The Attachment Project points out that children raised by emotionally immature parents tend to become self-sacrificing in adulthood, with poor boundaries and a tendency to prioritize others’ needs above their own. This can result in relationships where they’re exploited, or in a lifetime spent trying to please someone who never ends. It can take a lifetime to learn to say no, to know one’s value, and to stop taking on other people’s emotional baggage.
Isn’t it the best thing? These patterns are not inflexible. Loving relationships, counseling, and insight can shatter the cycle. The Attachment Project reveals that creating self-esteem, learning to set boundaries, and giving the first priority to self-care are necessary steps for adult children of emotionally immature parents. It is possible to get to the point of recovery, and each moment of becoming more conscious and kinder to oneself is a moment of moving towards a better and more connected life.